"Every Time I Hear That Song, I Go Back" - I Go Back by Kenny Chesney
I mentioned that I am a reflector. A find-meaning, connect-the-dots sort of person. I reflect back on my life to find meaning, connections, and answers. I have explained how this benefits me, and how the same would benefit you. Building self-awareness. Making sense of where we are now and giving us motivation and direction for moving forward.
I am also very nostalgic. You may be thinking what is the difference? One definition of Nostalgia is “having a sentimental longing for the past. A wistful affection for the past. Typically for a period or place with happy memories or connections. I have tons of memories of growing up. Memories of family, friends, my neighbourhood, summer holidays, school... on and on. I strain to think of my earliest memory. I must have been two years old. I lost my teddy bear. That was a traumatic event! Teddy did turn up in a neighbours yard eventually, but I guess the trauma remains ingrained.
All around me are memories. I come by that honestly, as the basement of the home where
I grew up was full of photos and trinkets associated with my family's history. It literally turned into an archive of cards, letters, artwork, report cards, memorabilia and family photos of generations dating back to when cameras were invented. I have inherited some of what accumulated there and have added more along the way. It seems that my children are not interested in inheriting any of these family “heirlooms”. Has nostalgia died with Baby Boomers? Seems that everything with Millennials needs to be digital.
Nostalgia is a relatively new word. The meaning of the word has changed over the years. Its origins are from the Greek words, nostos (meaning return home), and algos (meaning pain). The word was associated with acute homesickness starting in the mid-1800's. Seems that the meaning and use of the word evolved over time to the point where it is now more commonly associated with happy memories. The use of the word has increased steadily since the 1940’s. Perhaps this is because of the memories of things such as World War II, the beginnings of Rock and Roll in the 1950’s, and the tremendous Social and Cultural changes of the 1960’s and decades since, along with all of our own personal memories of what was happening in our lives during these times. People we have met, and places we have been along the way. I reflect to find meaning. I am nostalgic because of the happy memories. I suppose there is an overlap between the two where I find meaning in the memories.
Old Days. Good Times I Remember. Fun Days. Filled With Simple Pleasure - from "Old Days" by Chicago
I am a child of the seventies. Meaning, I came of age in the decade of 1970. I was a teenager during those years. I graduated high school and entered university. Basically, became an adult. But I relate very much to the 1960’s. I was a toddler at the beginning of the 60’s, and leaving Elementary School at the end, but that decade resonates with me. I have memories of when John F Kennedy was assassinated. I was only five years old, but I recall how TV was dominated by news of the killing and reports right up to his funeral. I didn’t quite understand it all, but it all resonated to me as being a big thing. I recall the music. Beatlemania. The English Invasion. It wasn’t my music, but you could not help but be exposed to it even if you did not hear the songs on the radio. It was all over television. The Beatles appearing on the Ed Sullivan show for the first time in 1964. The huge changes in pop culture. The civil rights movement. The Vietnam War. The assassination of Martin Luther King, and then Robert F Kennedy in 1968. Racial tensions and riots. We had relatives in the United States, so much of what was going on there was very much talked about in our family. We went on a family road trip to Atlanta, Georgia during the summer of 1968, in the midst of all this turmoil. And in Canada, there was our centennial year of 1967. Followed by Trudeaumania, the craze over Pierre Elliott Trudeau as he ran for Prime Minister.
Then there was what was going on inside my home and outside my front door during this era. Playing outside with my friends. Hide and Seek. Tag. Football and Baseball at the park at the end of our street. Road hockey in the Winter. Bar-b-ques with the neighbours. I remember a tragedy that rocked our neighbourhood in 1969 when members of one of the families on our block were tragically killed in a car accident. The mother and two young daughters died. Leaving the father and two older siblings. I remember how this resonated and left after effects for years on our street.
These were just a few of thousands of memories that shaped me during my wonder years.
Even if these things were not happening directly to me, they were happening all around me. Over time, they would influence me in varying degrees. I wouldn’t ask many questions about these things. I wasn’t really encouraged to. But I would observe the reactions of those around me, especially my parents. What did they think? What did they have to say? What was their opinion on these and other things? I would hear the conversations they would have with their friends, family members, and others. I would listen to my Dad talk to customers as they came into the family business. And I would learn. Mom and Dad are always right, aren’t they? This would shape my frame of reference. Slowly the lens through which I saw the world was being chiseled and shaped.
I loved the original show, The Wonder Years, as it took me right back to that era. A child growing up amongst all the events of the 1960’s and 70’s. I was looking at that era through the eyes of an adult as I watched the show, after experiencing it as a child. That era had since taken on new meaning. Although I was still shaped by that era, I had grown, and no longer accepted many of the opinions I heard during that time as the truth. Some of it I had held on to. I modified and formed different opinions on other things. And on many things, I was still learning and evolving. And there were some things I just did not have an opinion on. If I did it was buried in my subconscious waiting for me to have the opportunity to examine it further. Coming to terms with what it all meant.
There's Battle Lines Being Drawn. Nobody's Right, If Everybody's Wrong. Young People Speaking Their Minds. Getting So Much Resistance From Behind - "For What It's Worth" by Buffalo Springfield
Back then, there were troubling times. These were times of great change. Times of great desire for change. To let go of the old and move towards the new. Views were changing regarding war, civil rights, women’s rights, freedom and religion. Groups were wanting change, demanding change, and many were resisting change. This caused conflict. On the streets and within the political infrastructures. This was reflected so strongly in the songs and pop culture of the day. People saw things one way, and others saw it totally differently. The Generation Gap. I would say we have something similar happening today in 2020’s. There are groups wanting change. Wanting to move humanity forward, and there are those holding on to the old. Even worse, there are people who want to roll back the clock. Then there are those who don’t know what to do. So what do we, as a country or as a society or as a planet, do to move forward?
What do we do as individuals to move forward on our paths in the face of resistance, opposition, fear, self-doubt, uncertainty, unworthiness, confusion and even nostalgia? How do you step into what is calling you? You can do all the homework. You realize change is up to you. You are self-aware and understand the roots of the issues you face and have decided that you want and deserve better. It is one thing to say step outside of your comfort zone. Face your fears. Look what is waiting for you on the other side. It is another thing to take that step.
I believe before we can truly move forward and grow, we need to understand how we view
ourselves. We need to understand how we view our paths. We need to be able to change the way we see ourselves and what lies ahead of us. We have to be able to change our mindsets. Our mindset is how we see things. It is the lens through which we look at the world. We have to understand that our mindset is often flawed. It is shaped through our experiences. Our mindset is like a map. It is how we navigate daily life. It is like a GPS. It keeps us on track and makes sense of our surroundings. I was visiting Florida on my own a number of years ago, and a friend suggested that I purchase a GPS device so I would not get lost. It was a great investment! I got to where I wanted to go and did not get off track even once. Imagine how having the correct internal GPS... the correct mindset... would help you get on track and moving forward on your path. Now think of what would happen if your GPS was not working properly. Maybe it has lost its signal. The map you needed was not available. Imagine how frustrating that would be for you in trying to get to your destination. You did not have the correct map. The same is true when we don’t have the right mindset. It can be difficult to get started, let alone get to our destination.
Mindset is more than just doing things. You can work harder. Work faster. But without the
right mindset, you will just get to the wrong place faster. It is more than just having a positive attitude. At many times in my life, I felt that in the face of negativity and adversity the solution was to be the opposite. Be positive. Have a smile on my face. Look at the good. Believe in the possibilities. All that is good and necessary, but on its own it is not enough. In many cases it caused me to live in denial, and frustrated me when things were not changing. The problem with not moving forward has nothing to do with your behavior or attitude alone. It has everything to do with having the wrong mindset.
Your mindset is everything. The world appears to you based on how you look at it. Telling yourself that you are bold, well able, and you are going to show up strong today not only affects your world positively, but also the lives of others.
You have to switch up your thinking. Nothing changes unless you change something. The same mindset will not produce new results. Success always originates from the correct mindset. Change the mindset, and your body will follow. You will do things, not just harder and faster. You will do the right things effectively and intentionally. Change your spirit and your reality will shift. Other people’s opinions become less important. You move from people pleasing, to doing what is right and necessary. Self-doubt is replaced with confidence. A cannot-do attitude is replaced with a can-do attitude. You believe you deserve better. You can move away from the old and the obsolete, and towards the new. Obstacles become learning experiences
There's Been So Many Things That Have Held Us Down, But Now It Looks Like Things Are Finally Coming Around - from "Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now" by McFadden and Whitehead
How you look at your life, your mindset, and your self-image are more important than education, experience, and talent. There are many educated, experienced, and talented people out there that remain stuck and unfulfilled because they have the wrong mindset. With the right mindset, hard work can be important. When you encounter problems, frustrations, and obstacles along the way, a positive attitude is important. But without the right mindset, you will be lost.
As you travel your path, it is important to understand your mindset. First of all, your mindset
is powerfully affected by your experiences, your conditions, and your upbringing. Secondly, it is important to understand that everything flows from our mindset. Our actions, our behaviors, our attitudes, and our views of the world. We cannot act consistently and congruently outside of our mindset. We cannot walk and talk differently than what we see.
Something else that is important to note as you move forward is that the way we see things affects how we deal with other people. We realize that people see things differently than us. We think we are correct. We are objective. This is what we have been taught. This is our experience. But others see things differently from their own experiences and conditioning and believe that they are correct.
We each think that we see things the way they are. That we are being objective. But that is
not correct. We see things the way we are. The way we have been conditioned to see things. Other people will disagree with us, and this can become the basis for arguments. But two people can look at the same thing and both be correct based on their mindset. They look at the same facts, but their interpretation is different.
People see things differently. The more we are aware of our mindsets and those things that have influenced them throughout our lives, the more able we are to take a close look at them, test them against reality, be influenceable, and be open to changing them. In the process we get a clearer picture of what lies ahead and what we are capable of.
So if your mindset says that you are not capable, not strong enough, not skilled enough, not worthy, or not deserving, you need to re-examine that. Where do these feelings come from? Remember that one of the things that will cause you to break outside of your comfort zone is when you have one of those “A-Ha!” experiences. An A-Ha experience is really a mindset shift. You all of a sudden see things differently. You look at things in an entirely different way. Some of these shifts are powerful, and when they happen, you may wonder why you didn’t see things more clearly earlier. Just like in The Wizard of Oz, where the Scarecrow
discovers he has a brain, the Tin Man a heart, the Lion courage, and Dorothy had the ability to go back home to Kansas.... These things were within them all the time. They were just conditioned to feel otherwise. They had to be made aware of their capabilities. They had to be brought to the surface. The same is true for you. Everything you need is inside, whether you realize it or not
If you are feeling incapable, unworthy, or undeserving, odds are someone or some experiences you have encountered to this point have told you that, or made you feel that way. Realize that is just someone else's opinion, or a reflection of their weakness which they may project onto you. These feelings likely flow from trauma experienced in your life. Unhealed trauma can tear you up inside. This is why you have to examine your mindset from which these feelings flow. You need to make peace with yourself before you can succeed in other areas of life. You need to heal. Many of us have faced traumas that have caused us to disconnect from ourselves. Or we simply shut down because of the stress and pressure that we face. We need to reconnect with ourselves. You are not someone else’s opinion. We can’t allow the opinions of others to steal our joy, confidence and freedom.
A Dedication to the Truth
In his book, “The Road Less Traveled”, author M. Scott Peck says that for our lives to be healthy and our spirits to grow, we must have a dedication to the truth. Truth is reality. The more clearly we see the reality of the world, the better equipped we are to deal with the world. The less clearly we see the reality of the world the more our minds will be confused by lies, misperceptions, and illusions. The less we will be able to take correct courses of action and make wise decisions. Our view of reality is our mindset, and the more accurate it is, the more we will know where we are, where we want to go, and how to get there. If our mindset is inaccurate, we will have difficulties, and even be lost. This is true for our view of the world, and our view of ourselves.
No one is born feeling unworthy, unskilled, or incapable. That is an inaccurate view of reality. In fact, when we are born we have no view of reality at all. Our realities and mindset are acquired over time. Handed to us because of our childhood experiences. There comes a time when we have to take responsibility for them. Are they accurate or not? Many will hang on to an outdated view of themselves, and of reality. The reality handed over to them by their parents and other experiences growing up. Peck refers to something he calls Transference. He defines transference as “the set of ways of perceiving and responding to the world which is developed in childhood and which is usually entirely appropriate to the childhood environment, but is inappropriately transferred into the adult environment”
Make That Change
We need to be able to revise our mindsets. That can only happen when we are dedicated to the truth. We must hold the truth to be more important to our health, growth, and our paths, than comfort. An old mindset will keep you in your comfort zone. The truth is that we are worthy, capable, and fully equipped to deal with anything we face in life and as we move along our paths. We need to be able to move away from the old, and towards the new. Move from the obsolete to the up to date. Move away from those things that don’t serve us well (perhaps they never did) and move towards those things that move us forward. One of the best things you will ever do as an adult is start digging deep and ask yourself why you are the way you are. Why you do things the way that you do. Getting to know yourself on a deeper level will help you thrive
This can take time. Mindset shifts are not always instantaneous. It can be a slow, deliberate, and difficult process to undo years of conditioning that made you feel less than you really are. But it starts with believing. Believing in yourself. Believing that you are worthy and capable. And what you are not capable of doing right now, you have the ability to learn and become more skilled at performing any tasks that will move you forward. Understand your mindset and where it comes from. Be prepared to examine it and revise it so it is as close to reality as possible. And yes, be positive. Be focused and disciplined. Believe it, and things will begin to manifest in your life, Believe it, and you will see it. Be the person you want to become, and you will see it, for there is no separating being and seeing. Your mindset turns into a magnet, attracting those who feel the same vibrations as you. Attracting those things that align with your thinking. Be what you wish to attract. This is what draws you along your path. This is how things you want start to manifest in your life.
All those thoughts in your head that keep telling you that you can’t? Don’t believe them.
Keep outgrowing the older version of yourself. Once you finally see your worth, you can’t unsee it. Sometimes we are so busy looking up and down and all around. When you finally look within, that is where most of the things you have been searching for will be found. We have the freedom, and we have the power to change the stories that we tell ourselves, and the stories that have been told about us. In doing so, we allow ourselves to change how we show up in the world
Sometimes the universe will light a path that you don’t want to go down, because you are doubting your potential. Walk with faith. To quote Vincent Van Gogh, “If you hear a voice within you say that you cannot paint, then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced”
Going from feeling incapable and not worthy to feeling well able and excited is only a mindset shift away. You are right where you are supposed to be, but the time is now to Make That Change.
I will see you, seeking your truth, on The Crooked Path
Check Your CPS (Crooked Path System) - From time to time, I will include an activity that compliments the content of my blog. My intention is to help make what I write more meaningful to you, and help you relate to your own personal journey.
Just as we have become accustomed to checking our GPS to keep us on track, see where we have been, and consider the path forward, I encourage you to check your CPS. It will help you Make That Change
AfterNotes - Kenny Chesney - I Go Back (Official Video) - YouTube
Commentaires