You're A Shining Star. No Matter Who You Are. Shining Bright To See What You Could Truly Be - Shining Star - Earth, Wind, and Fire
Where your attention goes, your energy flows. Your energy creates an aura around you. Your aura is that distinctive atmosphere, or quality, that seems to surround you, and is generated by you and who you are. It is your vibration. Your climate. It is the feelings that emanate from you. You know how someone can enter a room full of people, and the mood in the room instantly changes? For the better or worse. That is because of their aura. It is your light.
Our aura is affected by our dominant thoughts, and by our dominant concerns. Those things
that dominate our thoughts. Those things that are front and center. Those things that are going on in our heads.
In my last blog, I stated that our dominant thoughts are like a beacon that we put out there.
As a result of what we send out, we get more back. And this adds to your aura. Your aura affects your focus. Where do you focus your time and energy? This greatly impacts your path.
There are a wide range of things that contribute to our dominant thoughts. Things such as our health, our relationships, our children, our career, the economy, politics, and even global conflict and war. Whatever these things are, I call this our Aura of Dominant Thought.
Outside of this aura I describe as our Aura of Cursory Thought. This aura contains things
that we really don’t pay attention to. We hardly give them the time of day. Any attention given could be described as casual, careless, surface level, and even unaware. We just don’t care about what is going on in our Aura of Cursory Thought.
As we look closer at our Aura of Dominant Thought, we realize there are things that we have direct control over and those that we cannot do anything about. We can separate these thoughts and regard those things that we have control over as being in a more focused area called our Aura of Impact. Those things that we can do nothing about are in what I call the Aura of Irrelevance. They are irrelevant because we can do nothing about them, even though they are in our Aura of Dominant Thoughts.
Now look at these two auras and think about where you spend most of your time and exert most of your energy. Do you focus your time on things that you have control over? Or are you focusing your efforts on those things that you cannot control. An analysis of where your focus is can go a long way in explaining your success, or lack thereof, in showing initiative and progress along your path. Aura of Impact, or Aura of Irrelevance. Which is it?
Those people who show initiative and get results concentrate their efforts within their Aura
of Impact. They work on things that are within their control. Things that they can do something about. Their approach and mindset are both positive and realistic. This allows progress, opens doors, reveals new pathways, and actually enlarges their Aura of Impact. It makes their light shine brightly.
Reactive people focus on their Aura of Irrelevance. They focus on the past, on how they are being treated by other people, on what other people are doing, on the news, on what is happening in another country, and other things that they have no control over.
This results in pointing fingers, reactive language, blaming others, and feeling like a victim. The negativity, as well as the fact that they are not focusing their efforts on things that they could actually do something about, causes their Aura of Impact to become smaller. As a result, their light dims.
If you are spending your time and focusing your efforts in your Aura of Irrelevance, you must challenge yourself as to why you are doing that. After all, those things are irrelevant. There is nothing you can do about them. As long as you are spending your time there, you are letting those things control you. You are not taking positive initiative to move forward on your path.
I think of many of the reactive people I dealt with while instructing at Canada Post. They would be quick to criticize their work environment. They would point to current systems, policies, their supervisors, managers, and their peers. They would say that “Canada Post is different”. Really?
Those things they focused on were in their Aura of Irrelevance. Irrelevant because they had no control over other people... Peers, supervisors, managers, or otherwise. They had no control over systems and policies either. As long as they pointed their fingers at those things, nothing would get done. They just increase their feelings of frustration and powerlessness. The work environment remains the same, and moving forward is like pounding a square post into a round hole. Their own lights dimmed, as did that in the workplace
It was those people who worked in their Aura of Impact, focusing on those things that they
control, that were the positive force. What things could they control? Their mindsets for one. As well as their desire, motivation, and actions. Their Triangle of Change. They could work on their habits. They realize they can’t change the attitudes or behaviors of someone else. Systems, policies, and the work environment remain the same on Day One after their training. But by working on themselves and what they can control, instead of worrying about what was out there in their Aura of Irrelevance, they would gradually find that they would be able to influence the work environment around them. They let their light shine brightly.
Of course, this isn’t a “just add water” quick fix. Besides desire, motivation, and action, it requires commitment. A commitment to move forward, to implement, to learn, to work together, to evaluate, to fail, and to try again. Never giving up.
As you let your light shine, it becomes contagious. Just like one match or one spark can start an inferno... Others start shining their light, whether it be a result of your influence, or of their own initiative, and momentum builds. Even those whose first impulse is reactive can be turned around. Their light may be dimmed to the point of embers barely glowing amongst some ashes. But the ashes can be stirred up. Add a little kindling, and pretty soon you have a fire burning.
I think of my own eye-opening experience in my final year of university. After learning about how I was perceived in my group, I could have reacted. I could have blamed the course. “It was a stupid course. It was boring”. I could have blamed the person who commented about me in her journal. “Who does she think she is?” I could have called her all manner of names. I could have blamed the other group members. I could have brushed it off, and thought, “Who cares? I got my mark, and that is all that matters”. Instead, I realized the significance of that awakening, and decided to do something about it. I focused on things that were in my control, and as a result, I moved forward.
One of the strongest examples I have experienced of focusing on the wrong things was with my father-in-law from my first marriage. I had been dating my girlfriend, and future wife, Lori for over a month, and I had still not met her father. I was almost twenty-one years old at the time. Things were great with Lori and I, and I had met her mother on several occasions. In fact some of our date nights were me going over to Lori’s place to watch TV and hang out with her mom. We might go out to eat. We had a good time. I got along well with Dorothy, Lori’s mom. Dorothy was a kind woman who loved to laugh, and we had fun together. All three of us. She was happy and very young at heart. I had not met John, Lori’s dad, during the first six weeks that Lori and I were dating. The main reason being that
John worked for the railway and worked on the trains. He would work odd hours, and often was on call. It just so happened that he was working on the weekends during this time, and I didn’t see Lori much during the week, as I was busy with school and studying. The plan was to have me meet John as soon as possible. A suitable time just had to be arranged.
In the time leading up to any possible first meeting, Lori and Dorothy would joke about me meeting John. They would jokingly warn me that he was a handful. I guess they were preparing me. The message I was getting was that he was different. They would laugh about it, and I think they were secretly wondering how I would react to him. I wasn’t worried about it. I had won over Lori, and her mom. How hard could it be to have a positive experience with her dad?
A time was finally arranged when John was in town on the weekend, and I was invited over for dinner, and this would finally be a chance for us to meet. The moment I arrived, I was greeted by Lori at the door. Her mother was in the kitchen, and John was in the living room watching whatever was on the television. I had the usual warm welcome from Lori and Dorothy, but something was different. They seemed a little tense. This was especially true of Dorothy. They were the ones that seemed worried. They brought me in and introduced me to John. He got up and we shook hands. So far so good. Then we sat down, as Lori and Dorothy retreated to the kitchen, leaving me alone with John.
John was a talker. Which was good, because as I have indicated, I was not much of a talker at the time. He would ask me questions about myself, and I would respond. It wasn’t necessary for me to elaborate much, as he would quickly take back control of the conversation. I would play the role of the eager and attentive beau of his daughter. Lori or her mom would stick their heads around the corner from time to time just to make sure I was okay. I would nod that everything was fine, and they would go back to doing what they were doing, and the conversation would continue between John and I.
It didn’t take long for me to understand what they were warning me about. Our conversation would move from sports, to his job at the railway, to current events, and then to people in general. It was challenging for me to keep up with what he was saying and where he was going. As we discussed things, or more appropriately, as he talked and described things, the essence of the conversation was going down a rabbit hole that I was not accustomed to. It seemed whatever we would talk about, John gave it a negative slant. In his eyes, so many things were crooked, bad, and downright conspiratorial.
He spoke a matter of factly about all these things, as if this is just the way it is. As it turned out, he did like me. He liked that he had me to vent to, as I would not give him any push back. Wanting to be the good boyfriend, and all. I could see what Lori and her mom were concerned about. This was different for me. Someone else may have responded differently to him. The nature of what he was saying was new to me. Conversation around my home was positive in nature for the most part. Despite any storms I have described to this point in my home, my parents taught us to look at the good in people and have a positive outlook towards life.
Quite frankly that conversation was draining me. Sucking the energy right out of me, and it was a relief when dinner was ready, and I was in the company of Lori and Dorothy again. They could change the conversation when they were tired of the direction that John had taken it in.
I realized what their concern was about me meeting John. He was unlike anyone I had met before. Things turned out okay that evening, but it was a precursor to what my relationship with John would be like for years to come, and the problems he would cause, directly or indirectly, in our family. John was a good man, but he had issues. Issues that I would strive to understand, and I would have to deal with in my relationship with Lori, and issues that would ultimately affect our relationship and marriage.
John was also a troubled man. I am not totally familiar with all of his history, but I knew
his parents were Ukrainian immigrants to Canada that settled in Winnipeg. From what I know of that era of growing up in the depression, and of immigrants settling here, I am imagining a childhood of poverty. I also know that the Ukrainian immigrants were hard workers. Laborers. And John was a hard worker. To the extreme. He was obsessive and compulsive.
I believe John was the youngest in his family. Whatever trauma he may have experienced growing up, he carried it forward into his adult life. He had a reputation when he was young of being a lady's man. An excellent dancer. Also, a smooth talker and charming with the women. No doubt this is what attracted Dorothy to him. Also no doubt he was charming to her. At some point after they were married, John’s dark side would emerge. Intermittently he would have displays of being a womanizer, having a violent temper, abuse alcohol, and be an addicted gambler. Dorothy never left him. I can imagine the emotional abuse that she experienced throughout their marriage. I would witness it myself during my marriage to Lori. I can imagine the trauma experienced by Lori, growing up amidst all of that. Dorothy would think about leaving, but never would. Call it trauma-bonding. A codependent relationship. By the time I met John, he had mellowed substantially. This could be largely due to the health issues he had. About six months prior to me meeting John, he had open-heart surgery where he almost died. He had quintuple bypass surgery and was just recently back at work when I met him. Lori told me that prior to his surgery, Dorothy was about to leave him, but she decided to stay once he got sick in order to nurse him back to health. I doubt that she would have left him. She had other opportunities to do so in the years to come, and never did.
What You Feed In Your Life Is What Grows
Why am I sharing this with you? John was a prime example of someone who focused on the wrong things. John was constantly focusing his energy in his Aura of Irrelevance. As a result, those things in his Aura of Impact suffered. Things such as his marriage, his relationship with Lori, his health, and his finances. He focused on things outside of his control. Politics. Whatever the latest news was. He focused on what other people were doing. Being critical, judgmental, and negative. When John was home, and especially after he retired, he would be constantly contacting local politicians and open-line radio shows about things he didn’t like. Some might say that was a good thing. That is why politicians are elected, and the open-line shows exist. But with John everything was in excess. He wouldn’t stop. He obsessed on things that were out of his control. And that leads to another dominant thought. His gambling. Whether it be betting on sports, horse races, or attending the local casino, John was an addicted gambler.
John’s aura was stressful. He was a high stress individual. His aura radiated negativity. Just as I experienced in my first meeting with him, I could see that Lori and Dorothy were different when he was around. In the years to come, we all would be different when he was around. The atmosphere in the room would change when John was there, especially if he was in one of his moods. Because of his inattention to things within his Aura of Impact, it shrank. And those things within it suffered, and so did he. The one thing that John could have done that was in his control, and could have made a significant difference on his Aura of Impact, was get some help. Get some counselling. Counselling for his addiction. Counselling to deal with any trauma. But he never did. He would go see doctors for all of his other medical problems, but never for what maybe would have had the most positive impact on his life, and on the lives of those around him. I met John when he was fifty-seven. He lived to be ninety-one. I imagine the differences there would be if he had focused his attention on his Aura of Impact instead of those things outside of it. The difference there would have been in his marriage. The difference there would have been in Lori’s life, and in our marriage. The increased happiness and joy. The better health. Lori and I both brought dysfunction from our childhood into our marriage, which neither of us processed properly. It was the constant aura of negativity, criticism, pessimism, judgement, addiction, and scarcity that came from Lori’s side, and the effect that had on her, that I ultimately could not live with. Lori never questioned it. And that all came from the trauma she experienced from her experience with her dad.
Imagine the difference that you could and will make on your path as you focus on those things within your control. Those things within your Aura of Impact. That is where you start making a difference in your life.
The issues we face fall into three different categories. First of all, there are the problems associated with our own behavior. Those things that we can do something about. Things we have direct control over. Then there are the problems with someone else’s behavior. These are issues that we have indirect control over. Finally, there are those things that we have no control over. As we take initiative in our lives, we see how our response to all of these issues will positively affect our Aura of Impact.
Direct control issues are addressed by working within our Triangle of Change. Taking that first step. Taking responsibility for our situation and our lives. Problems with other people may seem like they are outside of our control. At first glance they are. That spouse who won’t understand. That peer at work who keeps putting you down. Your boss who won’t give you credit. You may think there is nothing you can do about other people’s behavior. Maybe you have tried, and nothing works. But as you continue to work on things within your Aura of Impact, it expands. You can work on yourself and learn new methods to help you influence others, and work with others to achieve your goals and move you along your path. Other people who were out in your Aura of Irrelevance gradually can be drawn to your light, and be in your Aura of Impact, as it expands.
As for those things that you have no control over, the one thing that you can do is just that. Realize that you have no control over those things. You can’t control everything. We have been around control-freaks and have seen and experienced the problems associated. Working inside their Auras of Irrelevance. There are things in life that you have to accept. You do what you can do, and focus on where you can make a difference. Maybe one day, as you work on those things within your Aura of Impact, as it expands you may find that some things that were once outside of your control, you can influence, at least indirectly. But that is in the future.
You have everything you need right now to deal with the issues in front of you as you move along your path. You can work within your Triangle of Change, work on your habits, and your mindset. Those are all things that are within your control, and things that will enlarge your Aura of Impact. It is significant to understand that in pressing pause and choosing our response to what is happening around us, we can expand our Aura of Impact.
After my experience at Burroughs Inc selling computers, I took a step back to reassess my career path. I was torn between getting a job as soon as I could, but also getting it right. There was no extreme urgency, as I was still living at my dad’s home. My mother had passed away a year earlier. As well, I was collecting some unemployment insurance.
The time I spent with Burroughs was not a lost cause. I did gain valuable experience, which
added to my aura. I made contacts in the business community. I learned the ins and outs of corporate life. I received some valuable training in sales, marketing, and computer systems. The economy was changing. The computer industry was changing. At the time, Burroughs was selling small, medium-sized, and large- sized mainframe computers. The microcomputer industry was just emerging. Apple would be introducing the MacIntosh computer which would revolutionize the industry, and Burroughs had nothing ready to compete with it. So the company was changing as well and would soon merge with Sperry Univac to form Unisys. I was not the first one to be let go as things changed.
I still did not know what I wanted to do. Still I would make good use of my sales experience as I applied for sales and marketing jobs, even though that was not my strength or real interest. I would also apply for jobs in areas such as Human Resources, and even Accounting. It was like I was throwing everything at the wall to see what stuck. But I really wanted something more stable. I was twenty-four years old, and really feeling the need to get some security, so I could get on with my life. Canada Post was about to mark their first anniversary of becoming a Crown Corporation, and they were expanding in many areas, and as a result, they were hiring.
They would advertise in the Career Section of the newspaper for positions in Sales, Human Resources, Finance, and other areas. I was thinking that with my prior experience at Canada Post, this is where I should be focusing my efforts. So I would apply for different positions. And so would many other people. Canada Post was looking for new blood, and there would be plenty of people on the outside that would love to get a “government job”. So the competition was fierce. I found that my experience as a part-time courier for Canada Post was not getting me in the door, as they were looking for other specific experience that matched the required qualifications of the jobs they were hiring for. However, I finally managed to get an interview, for an Account Representative position in Sales.
I thought this was my chance. How hard could selling for Canada Post be? I went into my interview, and I believe I presented myself well. I focused on my Sales experience, and tied it to my previous employment with Canada Post. We had a good discussion, but it was obvious that they were looking for someone with a proven track record in sales. The Sales Manager was more of a hard-sell sort of person, and that was not my personality. He ended the interview suggesting that I might want to consider a career in Customer Service. In hindsight, that was very perceptive of him, as I would end up spending most of my career at the Canada Post Customer Service Call Centre, but that would be over ten years down the road.
I left the interview disappointed, but wiser. Still determined to get back with Canada Post.
I felt that was my safest bet. I did end up being offered a job with a local newspaper in Advertising Sales, which I took. It was total hard-sell, feet on the street, cold-call sales. I have to say I hated it. But I took it as I continued to focus on Canada Post. I finally would get a position with Canada Post, but not like you would think. I was told by Canada Post Staffing that I would have more opportunities if I entered the company at the ground level. In other words, in an entry level position as a Courier or Mail Sorter. A job that I had been doing for four years part-time as I was going to university, and then quit once I graduated.
I decided to bite the bullet and do it. I returned to work with Canada Post part-time as a courier / driver. Working on weekends, while working for the newspaper during the week. I would do that for about three months straight. I felt this was the only way to get a decent job. During this time, I investigated opportunities with Canada Post. I would get the names of significant contacts and make arrangements to go meet them to talk about opportunities. This was very much like what I did when I was selling for Burroughs. Meeting with executives and decision makers in different companies in order to get a foot in the door, and maybe a step ahead of any competition.
During this time, since leaving Burroughs, I was exercising my Freedom to Choose. I was
using my self-awareness in ways such as reviewing my experiences, assessing my strengths, considering what my goals were, and also considering the job market. I used my creativity to think of the possibilities. What jobs could I apply for and what are ways to get what I wanted. I used my discernment to choose among the options available to me. Many of which I created on my own. And I used my drive. Working the two jobs. Going to see whoever I could within Canada Post to get a suitable position there.
During this time, one of the main things in my Aura of Dominant thought was my career. I had to decide where I would focus my energy. I focused on my Aura of Impact. I applied for jobs, even if I felt unqualified. If you don’t buy a ticket, you can’t win the lottery. As time went by, my focus on getting a job at Canada Post increased. Almost everything else fell into my Aura of Irrelevance. As I focused on Canada Post, my Aura of Impact started to grow. I got the interview for the Sales job. I got the entry level position. And once inside, I started making contacts with key individuals regarding opportunities in their areas. They were getting to know me. One of the key benefits after one of my meetings, was that I would get the name of someone else in another area, or at another level, that I could speak with.
About two months into working the two jobs, I saw a posting for a Supervisor position in Operations. I thought this was perfect. With my operations experience, as well as my education, and personal suitability, I viewed this as my opportunity to get a full-time job on the inside at Canada Post. A job where I could get experience that would lead to something else. So I submitted my resume for the position.
To my dismay, I didn’t even get an interview. I was quite upset by the rejection. This was probably fueled by the fact that I had been working the two jobs for two months straight and was a little frustrated and tired. So I made arrangements to meet with the Manager responsible to discuss this and other career opportunities.
Every Rejection Is Simply A Redirection As You Work Within Your Aura of Impact
I showed up at the meeting, and I believe he was impressed that I was in a suit, and I had my portfolio ready with me, along with my resume. I was prepared. We sat down, and he asked how he could help me. I then surprised him with my approach. I would come across as a little assertive. Something that a few years ago, was not in my personality toolbox. I led with the fact that I was upset I was not even given an interview for the Supervisory position. I then went on to go over all of my experience and qualifications. I told him what I was doing within Canada Post. I told him who I went to see, and specifically told him about my Sales interview.
I was assertive, yet polite. When he finally had a chance to speak, the manager not so subtly let me know that he was not expecting my approach. He was expecting someone more cordial who wanted to discuss career opportunities. I felt a little embarrassed feeling like I was a little overbearing. One thing that he said stuck with me. He said he was surprised that I did not get the sales job because what he just witnessed was an excellent presentation that I made of selling myself. The meeting turned out fine. He kept my resume, and we talked about different possibilities. It turned out he was a key individual. Not just in his position, but in the influence he had on other Senior Management. He encouraged me to keep trying and it would just be a matter of time before I found something suitable.
The Right People Will Cross Your Path and Doors Will Open As You Work Within Your Aura of Impact
As it turned out, a few weeks later, I would be successful at finally getting a position and I could finally kiss the advertising sales goodbye. The job was a lower level clerical position. Not where I wanted to stay, but I was now on the playing field, and I had more options. I would encounter the same Manager at various times early in my career. In fact, about six years later I would be working for him. And at that time, he brought up that meeting we had in years previous and how impressed he was with me.
During this time, I worked within my Aura of Impact, and as I did that, it expanded. I didn’t get exactly what I wanted, but I moved forward on my path. If I had not done that, who knows what would have happened. With each step I took, a door would open, and my aura shined brighter, and I moved forward. As doors opened, I would meet key people who would now be in my Aura of Impact.
I think of the constant negativity of my father-in-law and how him constantly focusing on his Aura of Irrelevance contributed to it. Just like a moving train, it is hard to stop a negative thought. It is a train that, if you have been riding on it for a long time, you know it and it feels comfortable. These negative thought trains that we get on just take us to where we don’t want to go. It is hard to stop a train, and it is hard to stop those thoughts. But it is possible.
Those thoughts that don’t serve you? Those negative and repeating patterns? The time spent in your Aura of Irrelevance? You can stop all of that. Through self-awareness and focusing your time on and in your Aura of Impact, you can jump trains and you can change your thoughts. You can change your focus and get on track. You can change your life.
So get on board. I will see you on The Crooked Path
Check Your CPS (Crooked Path System) - From time to time, I will include an activity that compliments the content of my blog. My intention is to help make what I write more meaningful to you, and help you relate to your own personal journey.
Just as we have become accustomed to checking our GPS to keep us on track, see where we have been, and consider the path forward, I encourage you to check your CPS. It will help you Make That Change
AfterNotes - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9cJRqsKZKo - Peace Train by Cat Stevens
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