"If the writing is honest, it cannot be separated from the person who wrote it" - Tennessee Williams
Children have vivid imaginations. I was no exception. Children are also very energetic. It is important for all of this pent-up imagery and energy to be channeled somewhere. Somewhere productive and in a way that is nurturing. It seems that kids have so many options when it comes to activities these days. Back when I was a child, in the 1960’s, it didn’t seem to be the case. The most common way to burn off energy was through organized sports such as hockey, baseball, football, and soccer. There were swimming lessons. Some kids were into figure skating. There was a lot of playing outside in the neighbourhood with friends and bike-riding.
I wasn’t really involved in any organized sports. I went to swimming lessons, and I played with friends, but I didn’t really have anything that focused my attention in an outward way on a regular basis. So I would go inward. I liked reading. Do comic books count? When no friends were around, I was happy with my imaginary friends. In my room. In the basement. I would keep myself busy, by myself.
I would get a lot of my energy out at school in the classroom. I was eager to respond to my
teacher's questions. Hand went straight up, competing for attention with any other of the smarties in the class. When I was 9 years old, my Grade 4 teacher discovered I had this hidden skill. We had an assignment to write a story and then we had to read it to the rest of the class. While most kids wrote about their pets or what they did on summer vacation, I went a different route. As homework, while in my bedroom, I let my imagination run wild and I wrote a tail that was a cross between the Disney film, Honey I Shrunk the Kids, and Alice in Wonderland. In my story, I ate a cookie that made me shrink, and I wrote about my adventures around my home, being the size of a mouse and encountering our cat and getting into all kinds of trouble. I definitely went off the script. But when I read it to my class, they loved it. They were all engaged and laughing. Of course, I took that as positive reinforcement and would look forward to writing more stories for my class and read them, which I did throughout the year. I apparently was a writer, not to mention a humorist.
I had found my niche. I found a place for all these images and stories in my mind to go. My mother would encourage me to write to relatives who lived out of town. I remember writing long letters of four pages or more. I would write to thank them for things like birthday gifts. Not only did they get a thank-you, they got a summary of my life story. It became my way of communicating at the time, and it benefited me when it came to other school projects. I remember loving to go to the school library and looking something up in the World Book Encyclopedia and writing about it. It cleared my mind and helped me learn. And apparently it kept people entertained. As I grew up, and entered my teen years, my creative writing and letter writing dropped off. As it turned out, I had some difficulties during those years and sorting things out on paper may have helped during that time if I had continued.
"We Write to Taste Life Twice. In The Moment, and In Retrospect" - Anais Nin
Writing is a great tool for developing Self-Awareness, and self-awareness is the first step in helping us figure things out. How did I get to the point where I am feeling stuck, lost, stressed or without purpose? What happened? What did I do? What was my role? Self-Awareness brings clarity and can help us find a path forward.
One of the benefits of writing is it helps us become Emotionally Literate. When you are emotionally literate, you have the self-awareness and recognition of your own feelings, and how to manage them. When I was growing up, the atmosphere at home was not very supportive or encouraging of emotional expression, so I found writing a way to channel what was inside of me in a positive way, and not be seen as acting up. I would take my feelings and emotions, relate them to what was going on in my life, and tell a story. Without knowing it back then, I was recognizing my feelings and doing something with them that was acceptable and helped me make sense of things.
When we are at an impasse in our lives, think of how being emotionally literate might help.
What emotions are you feeling if you are off course or stuck? Or in transition or feeling unfulfilled? Think of the ability to not only be aware of emotions you are feeling, but to test them. Peel back the layers. Is there something more that isn’t apparent on the surface? Is the problem really that you are confused, or at some deeper level is there something else? Are you not feeling understood? Most problems are usually multi-layered. What is the source of these emotions? It is a matter of hacking at the roots of a problem, and not swiping at the leaves.
Writing gets the clutter out of our minds. You don’t have to be an expert writer. What you write doesn’t have to flow or make sense. Just write. Just write what is going on in your mind. Write what you are feeling. Write what you are experiencing. Write about what is frustrating you. Get it down on paper and out of your mind. If nothing else, you will clear your mind, and there is nothing as powerful as a clear mind. It is hard to find a path forward when you are confused.
Writing is helpful when no one is listening to you. Or no one is available to listen to you. To REALLY listen to you. To make space for you and truly understand. That is often what we need, and in the absence of that, writing is truly helpful. Imagine that you are writing to a friend, and that friend is you.
If you are overthinking, or thinking too much, write it down. You may not know what you are thinking until you write it down and it is sitting in front of you.
Here are some of the Major Benefits of Writing, as it relates to your journey -
Writing Leads to Clarity - When I wrote as a child, it was a process of getting what was
in my head out and down my arm and to my hand, through my pen, and on to the paper. Writing is the process of thinking by hand. It empty’s your mind. There is only so much room there. Getting things out on paper clears your mind so you can make space for other things. Writing allows you to relate. You can take your experiences and compare them to whatever you like. You can compare to other experiences you have had, to other people’s experiences, to something you have read, or seen. It helps you realize that you are not alone in your struggles, and that others have similar journeys.
By writing you can evaluate. You can ask yourself is this what really happened. Is this really how I feel? Are my feelings valid? Can I see my role in what happened?
And you can restructure. You can move what you have written around, fill in spaces, and rewrite where necessary so that things make sense. There is clarity. Lessons are learned. Wisdom is achieved
2. Writing Helps You Structure Your Thoughts - So many of our issues are multi-layered. They are tangled webs. You focus on one feeling and it leads to another. You write about one event and you see how it is connected to another. By writing you can structure your thoughts. Group your thoughts. Title them. Give them sub-headings. Write under each. Free-form. Bullet-form. It doesn’t matter.
Deep thoughts need guidance. We can sequence what we have experienced and are writing about to see the relationship between events, people, emotions, and all elements involved. Use arrows. This led to that. You can imagine what would have happened if the event was different. What result would have happened. What would be the difference. You can see where things may have gotten off track.
The blank piece of paper is now the space, and your pen is the tool.
As we write, the big picture starts to come into focus. We gain perspective. We are able to move things around so that they make sense. It is all becoming very real.
3. Writing Leads to Self-Awareness - As I have stated, the act of writing about what is going on causes you to become aware. The act of writing about what is going on inside of you causes you to become self-aware. You see how things are connected. You discover how people and events relate to each other and to you. You see your involvement. You discover patterns, and notice cause and effect relationships. You see the patterns in behaviors and the results. You will uncover things that you weren’t aware of, or did not notice, and it helps things make sense. You may ask yourself why you were not aware of these things at the time.
This awareness will be the foundation for any actions you take in the future. We are free to choose our actions. We are not free to choose the consequences of our actions. We can choose to continue driving a car with the engine light on indefinitely, but we cannot choose the consequences of what will happen. The car will eventually break down. We can choose to eat unhealthy foods and not exercise, but we cannot choose the effects that will have on our health, which will be negative. We can choose to ignore the hard conversations in our personal relationships, but we cannot choose the effect that will have on our relationships, which will be eventual relationship breakdown. We can choose not to take responsibility for our career development, but we can’t choose how that will affect our career, earning potential, and job satisfaction. There are natural consequences to our choices. We are free to respond to things in the way we like, and in doing so we get the related consequence.
“When we pick up one end of the stick, we also pick up the other” from "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey
Self-Awareness helps us understand this correlation and helps us see our involvement. It is the foundation for any future actions, as we know we must choose differently. Remember what Albert Einstein said about the definition of insanity being doing the same thing and expecting different outcomes.
4. Writing Enables Creativity - Creativity involves your imagination. Seeing correlations allows you to think of cause-and-effect relationships. You can imagine how these things could have happened. You can imagine how things could be different if some of the variables were different. The people. The timing. If you had thought differently. If you had acted differently. And maybe most importantly, with creativity you can see a path forward. You can imagine ways to think differently and act differently.
Relations are easier to see once you have them right in front of you. Very much like a mathematical formula. With creativity you can focus on possibilities. You can minimize limitations.
5. Writing Develops Discipline - Writing requires a lot of mental energy. Especially if
you don’t like writing. You need to sit down and think in silence. That is hard to do. First of all, try to find time to write. Try to find a silent spot to write. Sitting in silence is difficult for some. Especially if we are used to chaos, activity, and being busy.
Then where do you start? What goes down on paper first? Just start anywhere. Anywhere that feels comfortable and gets that pen in motion. From that point, you can move forward, move backward, or skip ahead. You can fill in the spaces later. When I sat down to write about my own story, I started writing about the time I was seventeen years old. Why seventeen? I identified that as a significant time of change in my life when I was trying to find myself. I could have chosen earlier or later, but that time felt right. The key is to start writing and things just start to align.
Don’t worry about grammar or spelling or punctuation. These are your words, and you know what they mean.
There is No Agony Like Bearing an Untold Story Inside of You - Maya Angelou
6. Writing Allows You to Tell Your Story - As you write about your experiences and make connections, you are writing your story. Writing connects us to ourselves. When we write we not only look, but we also see. We not only reflect, but we also act. It gives us something to hold on to in our world that may be hectic and often chaotic. Writing about our past leads us to the present, which gives us hope for the future. Your story is your badge of honour.
We can write our story to ourselves and for ourselves. No one has to see it, but our story
doesn’t have to remain private. At some point, you may consider sharing your story. Storytelling is the strongest form of connection. One conversation could change a life. By writing and relating your story to others you could help someone and build relations. Just think. One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you are going through now and it will be part of someone else’s survival guide. But that is in the future.
Writing and Keeping a Journal -
One of the best ways you can nurture Self-Awareness in the here and now is by keeping a daily journal. Maintaining a journal is a great personal growth initiative. Writing about your experiences and lessons can only make you wiser
You could record many things in your journal. If you don’t like what is happening in your life, write about it. What happened today? This week? How did it make you feel? What results are you getting. Do you like them or not? Why? You are getting this all out on paper, and a benefit is you are writing about recent events and feelings. In that way, it is much easier to write about. It is much easier to see the relationship between actions and results. Events, people and feelings are fresh in your mind.
If you don’t know why you are doing somethings that are self-defeating or harmful, write about it. Think about it. What is leading to this behavior? Analyze it. Analyze the environment where this behaviour took place. Were you stressed? Did you think of different approaches. Did you react? Why? What led you to this response? Most importantly, what could you have done differently? If you find yourself acting like someone close to you, like a parent, a boss, or a friend and you don’t like the behaviour or result, write it down. It makes you aware of how you are conditioned by those around you. It helps you become aware of your triggers.
Keeping a journal can give you insights into things you are observing and learning. As you try different approaches to situations, you can write about any different results that you may get, and this reinforces the behavior and helps you learn. You can see progress that you are making. You can write down next steps. Goals and dreams, and this starts showing you the path forward. Things become clearer. Even if it is one step. It is a step forward.
I Write Because I Don't Know What I Think Until I Read What I Say - Flannery O'Connor
Writing a journal allows you to have a one-on-one conversation with yourself. It causes
deep-thinking, and that will result in clearer thinking. Discoveries will allow you to proceed in a more intentional way. Your journal is your private place. Ultimately this is a private journey. There are things you are just not prepared to discuss with others that you can record in your journal. It is your forum to study, and then leverage your past for your benefit in the future.
As I became an adult, I picked up the pen again. I was going through a particularly difficult time. The origins of the issues I was facing went back years. Just like I have described in previous posts, I ignored the symptoms. These had to do with personal issues, such as not really knowing myself and my direction in life. It also had to do with relationship issues with some of the people that were closest to me. What they were and their origins are not so important at this time. I will delve into some experiences in future writings. The issue is that I put up with these things. I adopted a positive attitude and moved forward thinking that things will get better and I just have to deal.
Things would get better. And then they got worse. They would get better again, and then tail off again. The illusion was that progress was being made, but the reality was that it was a downward spiral that led me to the brink of having to make some real tough decisions in my life. The situation was affecting my roles as Husband, Father, Family Member, and as a person. I was at a point where I concluded that something had to be done. But I didn’t know what to do.
I felt unsupported by several people in my life, including my wife, and other family members. I had good friends, but no one that really could relate to what I was going through. On the surface, and to an outsider, everything looked fine. But in fact it was not. I had advocated for change for a period of time with those involved, with no real success. So in the absence of any improvement and any real understanding of the issues I had, I decided to work on myself. You can’t force anyone to change. You can only change yourself. So I started looking deeper for answers, and part of that involved keeping a journal.
People Will Write Because No One Listens
In the evening, usually before I went to bed, I would sit down for a few minutes and write. My reflections would include about what was going on at work. My work energized me. It was a busy time of change in our workplace, and I was a Trainer in a High Tech, Customer Service environment. I enjoyed helping the employees, especially new hires. Empowering them to be the best they can be. I would write about how I felt at the time. I would write about relationship issues I was having. I would write about the good and the bad.
I would write about what was going on in my life. I would write about some of the history leading up to the present and would write about possible actions moving forward. I was emptying my mind and putting it all to paper. Trying to make sense of everything and find a path forward. I would write about my children, who were both very young at the time. A five-year-old and a two-year-old at the time. I would write about things I did on a certain day, or what we did as a family. Chores. Family gatherings. These things anchored me, despite everything.
This time was a period of growth for me. I was finding some direction, and some answers. I know that I faced some difficult decisions, especially since I was growing. A relationship will suffer if one person is growing, and the other person is not. Especially if the other person does not support the growth of their partner. Perhaps even before starting my journal, I knew what path I was on. I knew that I would leave my marriage, and I was coming to terms with that, and trying to find the courage through writing.
There would be periods of time where I would not write. For a few weeks, or a few months.
That is okay. I may have had nothing new to write about. Things would seem to get better, and then fall again. Ebbing and flowing. I would write in my journal for about a year and a half before I finally decided to separate from my wife. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but without my regular journal writings, I don’t think I would have been able to do it
By writing in my journal, I moved from Confusion to Clarity, Cluttered Mind to Structured Mind, Disconnected to Connected, Unaware to Aware, Unfocused to Focused, Uncertain to Certainty, Anxiety to Calm, Fearful to Brave, Hopeless to Determined, Focused on the Limitations to Focused on the Possibilities, Being a Victim to Being in Control, and from Being Down on Myself to Knowing Myself and Knowing what I had to do.
The journal was not the end, it was the beginning. It was not the solution, but it was a high leverage tool and activity that helped me step forward. I would continue writing for a while after that. Continuing to write about my feelings and experiences, and it helped as life continued to act on me, and I responded by pushing back, and forward. I would stop however at a point, and I regard it as no coincidence that my life took a path down a life-changing slippery slope. This was no coincidence.
It would be a while before I would pick up the pen again, but I eventually did. As I was finding my way back from a very difficult period in my life and wanting to retire.
So many of my friends and colleagues had retired and were living life on their terms. That is what I wanted, but I was not sure that I could. I was not sure how I would transition. I had a lot of emotional investment in my employer that I had been working for since I was nineteen years old. Working part-time as I also attended university.
So I picked up the pen, and envisioned what I would do once I retired. I envisioned how I would do it and make it happen, and how I did that was through making regular posts to my Facebook page. I announced my retirement 90 days prior to the date, and I would write almost every day about my experiences with the company, and in my life over the period of time that I was working. There was a lot of ground to cover. On a chronological basis I would write about my life during these work years to the day I retired. It brought back a lot of memories. Good and bad. But it showed me how I had grown. It brought to mind my successes and failures. The difference I made, and where I fell short. It brought clarity and all those things that I already mentioned. By the time my last day arrived and I made my final post, I was ready to leave. I knew it was time, and I saw a path forward for me post-retirement. And I left on that final day with tears, but no regrets.
I continue to write. I log my experiences daily. I set goals for the week, and review progress on a weekly basis prior to starting the process all over again. It keeps me focused and is therapeutic
We think about our lives so much. And if our lives are worth thinking about, then our lives are worth writing about. So I encourage you to take the Write Path. It will help you on your journey on the Crooked Path. I did. Still do. Regardless of the Path you take, I will see you out there.
Drench Yourself in Words Unspoken. Live Your Life With Arms Wide Open. Today is Where Your Book Begins. The Rest is Still Unwritten.
Check Your CPS (Crooked Path Story) -
Just as we have become accustomed to checking our GPS to keep us on track, see where we have been, and consider the path forward, I encourage you to check your CPS. It will help you Make That Change. Here is an exercise meant to help you do just that -
AfterNotes -
Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield
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