I Just Want To Be Inspired - Quote from Dorothy Boyd. Character played by Rene Zellweger in the Movie "Jerry Maguire"
Just as certain plants thrive in a specific climate, environment, and soil... the same is true for people. We vibrate at our highest, when we are in a place that has the best environment, climate, people, and community. When we allow ourselves to be drawn to that place... That place where we feel that we can anchor and root... That is where we can truly bloom.
To be in a place where we feel like we belong. Where we are supported. Where we are
loved, seen, heard, and understood. That place where we can thrive and flourish. That place where we find meaning and fulfillment. Just like a flower in the right climate. We don’t stagnate. We don’t wither and die. We bloom. So many of us wander, ultimately longing for that place.
Imagine yourself being in that place. What does it look like? What does it feel like? Here is a key to manifesting such a place in your life. The key to manifesting that place or that thing. Focus on how you will feel when you get there. When you get that thing. When you achieve it. Don’t focus on the thing or place itself. Focus on the feeling. What is the feeling that you want from your career? What is the feeling that you want in your relationship? What is that feeling that you want in your life? If you put the feeling first. The state of how it feels and how you will feel when you are there. Then you will know, you are on the right track. You will know that you are where you are meant to be when you experience that feeling. You will manifest what you want, and be more certain of it, when you put the feeling first, and not the thing itself.
Training and Development (T&D) would give me that feeling. A treasure chest of ideas and resources that would open my mind. A community of people who would make me feel like I could spend some time there.
I didn’t realize that when I accepted the position. I accepted the position simply because it was different. The position that I was in was starting to wear on me and lose its appeal. Whatever I was accomplishing there wasn’t doing it for me. I was getting validation from those I was working with, and reporting to. I received lots of positive feedback. But external validation only goes so far if something inside of you is off. It is great to be recognized and be encouraged, but that alone can be unhealthy if that is what is keeping you where you are. Some people are addicted to approval. That is what becomes most important to them. They become addicted to compliments and positive feedback to the point that we base our worth on what people are telling us.
The Problem With Relying On People Is That People Can Let You Down
People can change their opinion. And people can be fickle. Some people think, “What have you done for me lately”. Loyalty is fleeting. For example, the Director who I had been working under prior to taking the training job was not happy that I chose to leave. He didn’t stop me, but he put a number of conditions in place that would need to be met before I could move on. It took a good month before I could take on the new position. Instead of being happy for me, he perceived me as being disloyal to him. Don’t rely on other people to affirm, approve, or validate you. Yes, it is great to receive positive feedback, but what is most important is self-validation. You need to be happy with yourself. Not only happy with what you are doing but be happy with what you are accomplishing. Is what you are doing really what you want to be doing right now at this point in time? And is it worthwhile?
Self-validation is what is important. As they say... A change is as good as a rest. I took the training job, and still thought that I would eventually find my way back to a job in mail operations at some point in time.
In my book, Along The Crooked Path, I write about the year 1988 being a time of significant change in my life. Underlying issues with my young marriage. Feeling personally unsettled and in a state of incongruence. Changes at home, and there was change at work. Changes within the company, in the business, and finding my role in all of that. Trying to balance it all. Little did I know that my new role as Training Officer was preparing me for all of this and everything else that was to come.
I started in Training in 1986. Still a relative newlywed. Settling into married life and unaware
or ignorant of any issues that maybe were in their early stages or had not come to the surface yet. I was busy. Busy establishing my career. Busy in my personal life. Many of the issues in my personal life went unnoticed or were in the background. Thinking maybe they will fix themselves or just go away. But those issues that we avoid will just rear their ugly heads later. What we resist persists. And these issues often will manifest in ways that cause bigger problems compared to if we had dealt with them earlier.
I would discover that Training’s role was so much more than just ensuring that employees had the knowledge and skills to do their jobs. One of the key functions of T&D was to help the company manage change. So for me this was the right opportunity at the right time.
There was significant change happening everywhere back then. In the world, in the economy, in the workplace, and in our personal lives. No one was immune. And it would soon be clear to me the key role that T&D had to play in helping me navigate all of the changes that were happening. Not only at work, but at home and in my life.
I would discover that T&D helped manage change in many ways -
Building Change Readiness - T&D programs foster a culture of adaptability by preparing employees for upcoming changes. Whether it's new technology, processes, or organizational restructuring, training can help ease the transition by educating employees on the reasons behind the change, clarifying expectations and new responsibilities, and reducing resistance by addressing concerns and uncertainties.
Upskilling and Reskilling - When changes involve new systems, tools, or job functions, T&D helps employees develop the skills they need to succeed.
Supporting Leadership in Change Management - Leadership development programs train managers and executives to lead change effectively. These programs teach leaders how to communicate change initiatives clearly. How to handle resistance or conflict. And strategies for motivating and engaging teams during transitions.
Promoting Continuous Learning - A culture of continuous learning helps organizations remain agile in the face of change. Ongoing development initiatives allow employees to stay updated on industry trends and evolving technologies. Adapt to future changes with greater ease. This proactive approach reduces the impact of future changes by creating a workforce that is accustomed to learning and growth.
Driving Employee Engagement and Reducing Resistance - Well-designed T&D initiatives can alleviate fears and reduce resistance by involving employees early in the change process. Offering clear, structured paths to learning new skills, and encouraging feedback and participation, which empowers employees to feel more in control during times of change.
Reinforcing New Behaviors and Practices - T&D supports the long-term success of change initiatives by reinforcing new ways of working. Through refresher courses, coaching, and ongoing development programs, employees are more likely to adopt and stick to new practices, ensuring the change is sustainable.
In essence, T&D acts as both a facilitator and a buffer during organizational changes, making the transition smoother and more successful by empowering employees to cope with and thrive under new circumstances.
Making the transition smoother and more successful by empowering employees to cope with and thrive under new circumstances. Yes. This is it. I was in transition. Stuck and looking for answers. But this opportunity would empower me to find solutions that would take me from coping, to moving forward, and hopefully to thriving.
When Someone Gets Stuck, It Tends To Be In One Of Three Areas
Creativity – It can be hard to be creative. We can get stuck when we are trying to tap into our creativity. We can come up empty. This applies to every area of our lives. When we need an innovative solution to a problem, and we often can’t think of anything. Writers block. We are at an impasse. We may be working on a project and we don’t know how to get started, let alone proceed.
Relationships – Sometimes you get stuck in a situation where you have to deal with someone that you don’t want to deal with. You don’t know how to deal with the situation, and you can’t remove yourself from it, even though you would like to.
In A Funk – I believe this may be the most common area of being stuck. You don’t even know why you are stuck. You just know that things are not the way they should be, or the way that you would like them to be.
I invite you to think of ways that you have been stuck in any of these areas, and how that made you feel. What got you out of it? Or... Are you still there?
I was in a funk. I was not living authentically. And not living authentically can cause you to get stuck. Living authentically and being stuck cannot reside together in the same place. As you live authentically, even if you encounter adversity or obstacles, you rise up and find ways to deal with them. I didn’t even know who my authentic self was. You move towards your authentic self, as you move towards your purpose. Such was my state at the time. I was also stuck in terms of relationships within the family. Walking on eggshells. Avoiding certain topics, and not speaking my truth.
Feeling stuck is a signal that you are not growing. You have stopped growing. You are
stagnating. I was doing the wrong things, and sometimes not doing anything to get unstuck, but that was about to change. Feeling more empowered gave me hope that even as things remained the same for now, there were options and paths forward in the future. I could expand my Aura of Impact.
I was looking for a path forward to deal with issues at home. As with so much of my life, I wanted to fit in. And in an effort to fit in, I would not rock the boat. I dimmed my light to avoid arguments, and uncomfortable situations, with my wife, with my in-laws, and with others. I was abandoning myself to make others around me feel okay, and to keep the peace. And when you abandon your true self to maintain peace that eventually leads to negative consequences.
As I became involved more and more in different initiatives at work, I would begin to feel engaged and empowered. In many ways, going to work was like therapy. Probably the greatest benefit to me would be with changes in my mindset. I would gradually experience the following mindset shifts.
From a Positive Mindset to an Abundance Mindset -
I strived for, and generally did have, a positive mindset. For the most part, I was optimistic, hopeful, and I looked at the good in people and things. This is what I was taught growing up, and despite any issues I may have had as a child, this is what was instilled in me. And perhaps this helped keep me from going down any dark paths as a teen, and even kept me sane in the face of any adversities that I encountered. It helped keep me out of trouble, but it didn’t really move me forward. I would remain positive as a young adult, but that was not enough to enact positive changes in my life. In fact, it would be frustrating when I saw that things were not changing the way I would like despite any positive attitude. And my positivity would constantly clash with the negativity that I encountered. A negative mindset was rampant in my wife’s family, and that was ultimately passed on to her.
A difficult truth is that a lot of people are practicing emotional avoidance and calling it a positive mindset. Avoidance of difficult and uncomfortable emotions and circumstances does not equate to the absence of them. Avoiding negative situations and emotions does not place you in a positive mindset. It just results in an internal struggle, and in external conflicts, that give you more of what you don’t want. Good vibes and happy thoughts are not enough. You need to acknowledge the emotions and circumstances that are causing conflict and do something about them. Otherwise, these things just remain as blockages to real and significant change in our lives.
The shift I experienced would be from positivity to abundance. Positivity and abundance are related but differ in their focus and application. Abundance is a state of plenty or having more than enough of something. It is not just being positive in the face of adversity or negative situations. Abundance to me means that you can do something about the situation or your circumstances instead of just accepting whatever it is and putting a smile on your face. There are options. There is always something you can do to improve a situation and move forward towards something better. There are abundant options, opportunities, and even resources. And also, abundant intangible things such as love, happiness, and knowledge. It is the mindset that there is always something that you can do. It follows that with an Abundance Mentality, you cannot remain stuck for long.
You can believe and hope for positivity, but abundance is actually displaying it, experiencing it, and manifesting it as you move forward. Abundance is believing in, and focusing on, the possibilities and that there is more than enough for everyone. This is in contrast to a scarcity mindset, which is based on the belief that resources are limited and is based in fear and that a person’s success comes at the expense of someone else. It is a focus on what you don’t have. A mindset of lack. Focused on the limitations and on negative thought patterns.
As I adopted a belief in abundance, it would clash with the scarcity mentality of my wife, and my in-laws. But as I dealt with any conflict, at least I would see myself has having options in dealing with it, instead of feeling trapped.
From a Fixed Mindset to a Growth Mindset -
A fixed mindset is the belief that one’s abilities, intelligence, and talents are just that. Fixed.
Unchangeable. Limited. It really represents a lack of belief that one can change, or that you have influence. It is what it is. You are who you are. Any effort on your part won’t change things much. Someone with a fixed mindset may avoid challenges, give up easily when faced with obstacles, and feel threatened by others, and especially the success of others. Criticism or failures can be seen as a reflection of their limitations and inability to learn and grow.
I carried a fixed mindset with me from my youth, but it was changing as I experienced people that did show belief in me and helped me feel seen, heard, and understood. However, it still lingered, especially in my personal life. I really was left with the feeling that there was nothing I could do in many situations. Stay quiet and keep the peace. Be the good husband. This was the hand I was dealt.
A growth mindset is the belief that abilities, intelligence, and talents can be developed
through dedication, hard work, and learning. But it is more than just believing in education. Highly associated with abundance, a growth mindset sees challenges as opportunities to improve. Failures are just part of the learning process. A belief in continuous improvement and lifelong learning. A belief that every interaction and experience is an opportunity to learn. You can learn and adjust to deal with new situations that you face.
From a Self-Centered Mindset to a Service Mindset -
I wasn’t brought up with a self-centered mindset. I was always taught to be helpful, generous, and think of others and not just myself. I would say that I was not self-centered, but I could be self-indulgent at times, simply as a means of self-preservation coming out of my youth. But again, the influence of my wife’s family was strong. And especially after my own mother died young, I would become more influenced by them, as I spent more time with them, and eventually married into the family. The result was me being in the midst of attitudes that were quite different from what I was used to. Attitudes of me-first, criticism, indifference, insensitivity, rigidness, self-interest, finger-pointing and negativity. I say this because it needs to be said. I loved my wife, Lori and her family. But that is what I was dealing with. The problems flowed mainly as a result of the mental health issues of my father-in-law, John. Which were never dealt with. They spilled over and they affected everyone and everything.
A service mindset is a way of thinking that is focused on meeting the needs of others. Providing help, support, and solutions. As a trainer, instructor, facilitator, or teacher, a service mindset is a natural extension of that role. To help others learn. To facilitate their learning. Building and enhancing relationships and reaching out to others. This was in line with my upbringing, and my involvement in the family business. My father and mother made a lasting impact in the community when they ran the local hardware store, and their example of service to everyone who entered the doors of the store was ingrained in me. They emphasized not only being of service, but also giving freely and without condition.
From a Transactional Mindset to a Transformational Mindset -
This had the same effect as moving from a map to a compass. A transactional mindset is
focused on results. Give and take. Go to work. Do the job. Get paid. Go home. It is focused on exchange. What do I get in return? Exchanges are direct and measurable.
While a transformational mindset is focused on growth and long-term impact. It is about innovation. It is driven by the idea of creating meaningful change or evolution in oneself or others. It is a mindset of individual, mutual, and collective growth. A mindset of moving things forward, not just linearly, but exponentially.
Transactional is about maintaining the status quo. Characterized by short-term and specific goals. Often represented by agreements. This is what I will do. This is what you will do. This is what will result.
Transformational is more about long-term vision. The goal is not just about achieving immediate objectives, but in creating a vision for the future that goes beyond the present circumstances. Success is based on long-term impact, change, and growth rather than simply short-term rewards.
Transactional relationships are conditional. They are maintained as long as the parties involved see value in the exchanges and their expectations are met. Quid pro quo, where there is a reciprocal exchange. You get something for something. There is no focus on growth or development. As for leadership style, leaders motivate through rewards and punishment. Do your job and get paid. Don’t adhere to agreements and suffer the consequences.
Transformational relationships are based on trust, collaboration, and a shared commitment to growth. There is an emphasis on personal development, and helping others reach their potential, often without immediate or tangible returns and results. The focus is on motivating and empowering others. Fostering creativity and innovation, and creating environments where people can evolve, and develop their skills and potential.
In essence, the transactional mindset is about efficiency and immediate returns, whereas the transformational mindset is about investing in sustainable growth and future potential.
The Effect Literally Is Transformational
Can you see the difference that an Abundance Mindset, Growth Mindset, Service Mindset, and a Transformational Mindset would have for you along your path compared to whatever views you currently have? Think about it.
This period of awakening for me would prepare me for what was ahead. Breaking outside my comfort zone. New people. New ideas. New hope. When you change the way you see things, everything changes. Your thoughts become your reality. And this gave me new hope for my path. Especially my marriage and my personal life.
When we are in that place where we have the opportunity to shine, we gain confidence.
And as we gain confidence, we invite abundance into our lives. We see the possibilities. We see others in a new light. Things become clearer. There is freedom. Our soul shines. And this comes as we do the inner work. As we realize our Freedom to Choose, and exercise our unique capabilities of Self-Awareness, Creativity, Discernment, and Drive and align with that still small voice inside of us, as we follow our paths.
I Have Run. I Have Crawled. I Have Scaled These City Walls... Only To Be With You. But I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For - song by U2
People think that “Once I get this, then I will feel this way”, but that is not how it works. You have to feel it first. When you have that internally, you set yourself free. You start to feel that you are linked to something higher that always wanted this for you. You just have to listen. Listen over the noise generated by other people and distractions. Some may call the distractions false Gods, false prophets, or false idols. Things that distract. Things that get us off track. When you notice the interconnectedness between feeling and manifesting, you notice that you are capable of being you. Your true self. And being your true self, and living authentically, is perfect for you finding your purpose.
It is a tricky and sometimes complex path to take when you become aware that you can rewire and shift your thoughts. Where you can take everything you were shown and conditioned to believe and truly examine those thoughts.
To take stock of where those beliefs have taken you, where they are taking you, and how they have created the environment that you find yourself in. To take each one of them, examine them, and decide if this mindset reflects who you truly are, who you truly want to be, and whether it resonates with you. And then take steps to rewire your thoughts. Eliminating self-sabotage and changing the way you speak to yourself. Being gentler and more confident. And as you do this you have better trains of thought. Positive trains where you encourage yourself. Trains that lead to states of higher consciousness. You let old ways of thinking die, knowing that they are just a loop that leads back to where you were, flailing, getting off track, and going nowhere.
Nowhere Man Please Listen. You Don't Know What You're Missing. Nowhere Man, The World Is At Your Command - Nowhere Man - The Beatles
So many people will say that they don’t know how to manifest. But the reality is that we are manifesting all of the time. But we manifest the wrong things. We manifest from limiting beliefs. From negative thought patterns regarding ourselves and the world around us. That is why you don’t see the results that you would like. And that is why it is so important to learn how to change your belief system. To shift your mindset. You don’t have to be perfect to manifest your greatest reality. But you do have to take a good long hard look at yourself and heal the things that need to be healed. For things to reveal themselves to us, we need to be ready to abandon our old views.
Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is to let go of what we think we know. The stories we’ve told ourselves, the assumptions we’ve made, the fears we’ve carried for too long. But in that surrender, in loosening our grip on old beliefs, we make space for something new to emerge. Healing, growth, and clarity often come when we allow ourselves to see things differently, with fresh eyes and an open heart. Trust that in time, things will reveal themselves in ways you never expected. Sometimes, all it takes is a willingness to let go.
The number one thing that is keeping you from manifesting your ideal life is your mindset. A mindset of negativity, scarcity, and complaining. That is keeping you stuck and manifests more of what you don’t want. Your mindset is the biggest obstacle standing in the way.
What if today was that day where everything shifted for you? There will be times when you will feel something. A buzz... A hunch... You will feel a shift, and a door will open. You are being shown new connections and opportunities. And you didn’t see it coming. People, places, and things will be placed in your path that will surprise you. Things that align with you and light you up inside. And when you get into that state and you flow with it, you will be shown more. And that was my experience. I also believe it will be yours.
When you start following that excitement. When you start noticing and following those signs and synchronicities, even bigger things will be placed in your path. Things that you never could have imagined
What is your joy? Your spark? What are you following? Are you paying attention? Are you listening? Are you in the flow? Are you allowing it?
Allow that feeling as you travel the Crooked Path.
Learning Opportunity Along the Crooked Path -
Try this exercise -
AfterNotes - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3-5YC_oHjE I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For - U2
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