The Road Is Long With Many A Winding Turn, That Leads Us to Who Knows Where, Who Knows Where? - He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother - The Hollies
It is worth repeating... There are two types of tired. The first requires rest. As for the second....
Life is difficult. Life is a series of problems that require solving. And according to author M. Scott Peck, the whole process of meeting and solving problems gives life its meaning. Problems are the cutting edge that distinguishes between success and failure. Life is a series of problems to be solved. From the seemingly trivial... What to have for breakfast? What to wear today? To the routine.... Driving your car safely to work... Making arrangements to pick up the kids after school and take one to soccer practice and the other to dance lessons.... To the critical... Caring for an elderly parent... Paying the bills... Planning for retirement.
Like change, you can’t avoid problems. Also, as with change, dealing with problems is how
we move forward. The relationship between change and problems is no coincidence. Problems require us to be brave and wise. Problems create resilience within us. Problems cause us to grow. Therefore, you would think it would be natural for people not to dislike problems, but to welcome them. Just as Bachman Turner Overdrive sings, “We get up every morning to the alarm clocks warning. Take the 815 into the city...” And we take care of business. It is what we do. We have no choice. That is life. If we don’t take care of the problems and issues in our lives, someone else will take care of them for us, and we will not like the results. Left unattended, these issues will take on a life of their own and will grow into bigger problems. They won’t go away. What you resist, persists
Those Things That Hurt, Instruct - Ben Franklin
It is best to deal with problems... trivial, routine, or critical... as they occur, to avoid even greater problems in the future. Ben Franklin said, “Those things that hurt, instruct”. Do trivial problems hurt? Probably not. But they distract. They usually require little energy to attend to and are necessary to deal with to get on with our day. What they do is help provide us with discipline, and as we attend to them, they provide order and structure to our lives. A framework. I recall reading somewhere that if you want to be successful, make your bed each morning. That may sound crazy to those people who leave their bed sheets and comforter in a pile as they rush out the door. But the idea is that by making your bed, you are starting the day out by accomplishing a basic task. You are meeting a commitment and establishing discipline for the rest of the day. Soon trivial problems become routine, and part of our every day lives. Somehow, some way, we find a way to get things done. Often automatically. This is what we do. This is who we are. The critical problems are the ones that fight for your attention. They are the ones that at the end of the day, or in the middle of the routine of the day, we have no time for, or we want to put off dealing with. They disrupt us. At the end of the day, we may not want to deal with them because we are tired. But by not dealing with them, there will come a time when we have no choice, as a crisis occurs or is about to occur, and something has got to give. That’s life. A series of problems waiting to be solved. At the end of the day, we crawl into bed tired and even exhausted.
Even the most functional of lives are tiring. At the end of the day, and at different times during the day, we feel the need to rest. We get tired Physically, Mentally, Socially, and Spiritually.
Physically - For most of us, our lives are busy. From the minute we awake to the time our
head hits the pillow in the evening, our days are full of tasks to accomplish, appointments to attend, people to meet, and plans to make. Throw in all the unexpected things that happen during the day..,. The interruptions, the phone calls, the emergencies, the distractions, the roadblocks, and other things that did not go as planned. It is no wonder we are exhausted. Our work life interferes with our personal life. One role conflicts with the other. We are constantly juggling things. Work / Life balance just becomes another problem we have to deal with. Running from here to there, we put in long days and often don’t get the sleep we require to function properly. We get physically tired
Mentally- The mind may work harder than the body. The mind should be engaged before the body acts, right? I hope so. Often we are just mentally exhausted from the decisions we make throughout a typical day. The problems we have to solve. The focus required to multi-task. That drains us. Physically we may be fine, but mentally we may get to a point where we can’t think straight. We may be up late working on some task that requires some level of alertness and analysis. Whether it be personal, family, or work related. Students burn the midnight oil studying. There comes a time when no amount of coffee will keep you awake, and you have to rest.
Socially – We are social beings. We are built to be around others, support, be supported by, and just interact with others. To love others. But being around people can be exhausting. Some people have a greater tolerance level to be around people. In fact, they thrive on it. They may feel uncomfortable being alone. But others need their alone time. Being around people all day, communicating, negotiating, problem solving and even just enjoying the company of friends is tiring. All the talking. All the different personalities. Interacting and listening. It all adds to our lives, but at the end of the day, there comes a time where we just have to turn it off.
Spiritually – It has been said that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. I believe many people don’t tap into that. They are just too busy with everything else going on. They may also be highly unaware and out of touch with who they are. But I believe that we all like to think that what we do matters. That at the end of the day we have contributed to something meaningful, and that our lives have purpose. But at the end of the day, many of us sit back exhausted, and wonder about just that. What did they accomplish today? Did anyone notice? Does any of it matter? Does anyone care? Why am I doing all of this? Is all this worthwhile? What is the point? Am I making a difference? Dealing with our spiritual fatigue... Pondering the greater questions of life... That is maybe the most important issue. The irony is that we often don’t ask ourselves these questions, or rarely do, because we don’t have the time. We are always busy. These questions usually are dealt with during any alone time. Often this is at the end of the day, as we drift off to sleep, and we deal with them in our dreams.
When You Are At Peace on the Inside, Everything Around You is in Harmony
The second type of tired requires peace. Rest is more to repair and revitalize the body. The greatest benefit of rest is to renew us physically. Peace is more related to the restoration of our mental, social and spiritual wellbeing. Seeking peace is typically not our first choice when we are tired. The solution to being tired is most often associated with going to bed. Getting some sleep. I think we all have been told at one time or another to “go home and get a good night's sleep”, when we are tired or distressed. “Things will be / look better in
in the morning". Scarlet O’Hara of Gone With The Wind when faced with the greatest struggles of her life said, “I won’t think about that now. I will think about that tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day”, Physical rest may help you think clearer, but the moment you get out of bed, the same issues you faced the day before are still there. Waiting for your attention. To deal with everything more effectively, you often have to reset. Remember the definition of insanity. Doing the same things and expecting different results. You may need to change your plans, Adjust your approach. Evaluate your mindset. Refocus your priorities. And to do this you need time. Time for yourself. It is hard to find peace in the midst of chaos.
For those of you who are physically tired, I see you. Who isn’t tired, or hasn’t been tired for extended times throughout their lives? With the exception of the privileged few, we all get caught up in the busyness of life. Whether you are single, partnered, have children... Add more bodies to the equation and the activity increases exponentially. I get it. Who wouldn’t get it? Been there. Done that. Got the T-Shirt.
Factor in being tired mentally. There is so much going on. So much that is going wrong, or does not go as planned. You can handle much of it, but even you have your limits. You try approaches that have worked in the past, with no success. You may not have the skills or knowledge to deal with what is in front of you. You don’t know what to do. You can’t wrap your mind around the issue, and trying to just gets you more exhausted or stressed. Inside you may be crying out for help, but of course you never do. You have handled your problems before, and you will continue to do so. All you have to do is work harder. Think harder. You will deal. You are a multi-tasker, after all.
Factor in being tired socially. Consider the relationship issues you may have, and how they may be getting worse because you are not dealing with them effectively. Consider how everything else that is going on in your life is keeping you away from dealing with the important relationship issues. With your partner, your children, and your family. Consider all those people that are coming to you with their problems, and those people that just like to talk about themselves, when what you need for once is someone to listen to you.
A Toxic Trait is Suffering in Silence and Hoping Someone Notices That You Are Not Yourself
And being tired spiritually. Feeling that what you are doing doesn’t matter. Feeling that you don’t matter. Feeling disconnected. Spinning your wheels, and perhaps in a downward spiral.
What You Need is Peace. Peace So You can Reset, Refocus, Re-energize, and Consider a Path Forward
Understand how tiring it is to act okay and always be strong, when in reality you are close to the edge. No one notices when the strong one is tired of being strong. I wasn’t myself on many occasions throughout my life, and no one noticed. At the age of twenty-three, in the midst of trying to find myself and get some traction on my life, my mother passed away suddenly. She was fifty-nine years old. Far too young to leave this planet, and my brothers and I were far too young to lose our mother. At her funeral, a close family friend approached me, and said, “You are a rock. You are so strong”. That shook me to my core. I was torn up inside. Dealing with everything else in my life, and now losing my mother. Maybe I was holding it in. Thinking that is how Mom would want me to be. Thinking I had to be strong for my Dad. Thinking this is the way it should be. In my quiet moments. In my alone moments. I did break down. It was all very hard. And I know whatever you are facing, it is hard for you. Whatever you have faced, it has been hard. Life is difficult.
I am not one to ask for help. I had the mindset that I would get through whatever I was
facing. That was part of my Positive Mindset. Being positive, although important, did not give me peace. I would get tired of being positive, while not seeing things change. Those experiences have helped me be more sensitive to what others may be going through despite any smile on their face. As the song goes, The Tears of a Clown, When No One’s Around.
If you are tired, you need rest. If you are drained, you need a break. If you are hurting, you need your own compassion. Nothing will change for the better until you give yourself what you need. You are stressed because it is stressful. You are tired because it is tiring. There is no need to be down on yourself because you are struggling. It all makes sense.
Sometimes we need to take time out to re-calibrate, to feel, to reconnect within, and return to ourselves. Our body lets us know this through aches, exhaustion, numbness, our breath, our heartbeat, or other sensations. Please listen within, observe and honor your body’s true needs.
Along your path, learn to rest. Life is a marathon, and not a sprint. Life is about the journey, and not the destination. The idea is to get moving in the right direction. To get on track and live the life you were truly meant to live. And you cannot do this if you are sick. Before you get sick, your body will whisper about its fatigue. If you don’t listen to the whispers, you will be forced to hear the screams. If you don’t give your mind and body a break, you will break. Stop pushing yourself through pain and exhaustion. Take care of your needs.
Learn to Rest, But Never Quit
If you get tired.... When you get tired... Learn to rest, but never quit. You have so much ahead of you. You often feel tired not because you have done too much, but because you have done too little of what lights a spark inside of you. You may need time to rethink things and adjust the sails.
Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. It is fear of failure but no urge to be productive. It is wanting friends but hating socializing. It is wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely. It is caring about everything then caring about nothing. When these feelings set in.... Rest. You are burnt out and exhausted after being in the survival mode for so long.
One thing I love about the Interstate Highway system in the United States are the frequent
rest areas along each route. The signs themselves are reminders to take a break on your journey. And even if you decide not to, there is usually a sign advising you when you will arrive at the next rest area. Rest Area 1 Mile. Next Rest Area 31 Miles... The bright blue signs beckon. Reminding you to take a break, but if you aren’t quite needing one, the next is not that far away
Your path is long, with many a winding turn. It is a long and winding path, that leads you to the best version of yourself, and who you were truly meant to be. And it is your journey, not anyone else’s. It is yours to travel. And you will get tired, frustrated, and confused along the way. But along the way you will also feel energized, satisfied, proud and vindicated as you make your journey, if you take time for yourself and rest. Since it is your journey, travel at your pace. Things will ebb and then they will flow, but the goal is always to think forward, look forward, and that will be the direction that you move. What you want will have no choice but to manifest
And now it is time for me to rest. To take a pause, but certainly not to stop. To shift gears, adjust the sails, and determine where I am going next. Much has happened since I retired. I have much to do. I have plans to move forward, obstacles to overcome and giants to face. Plans to expand my Life Coaching, and to write more. But as I move forward, I also move inward. I am constantly striving to align closer to the truth. Discovering my own truth and aligning myself closer to reality. And this is my journey. And perhaps this is what keeps me not only alive in my senior years, but thriving. Knowing that I have much left to accomplish, and much left to share.
So far, I have shared my thoughts and experiences regarding things like Change, Self-Awareness, and the Power you have within. My desire, among many things, is to lead you to hope if you feel despair. Strength, if you are feeling weak. Clarity if you are confused. Direction, if you are feeling listless. Empowerment, if you are feeling powerless. Ideas, if you do not know what to do. Vision and purpose for your life, if you feel uninspired. My intent is not to tell you what to do, provide you with a checklist, or a step-by-step guide. What has worked for me, may not work for you. I am still figuring it out, to tell the truth. For we each have our own journeys, and our own paths. But by helping you move towards hope, strength, clarity, direction, empowerment, ideas, and a great vision for your life, what to do will become clearer inside of you. You will see your path, be compelled to follow it, realize all the options and possibilities that you have, and feel empowered to deal with each problem that you face along the way.
To a large degree the traumas in our lives are what get us off track and make us feel incapable or not worthy. You will need to heal from these traumas, whatever they may be. Not healing holds us back. I have read much about healing as I have traveled my path. Not long ago I came across this approach for healing from trauma.
Let Yourself Feel the Pain – Don’t hide from your feelings. Don’t attempt to drown them through alcohol or drugs. Don’t bury them. You have to feel them. It may not feel great for a while, but this is necessary in order to heal.
Take All the Time You Need – Your path is a marathon and not a sprint. We all process feelings differently. As you do the work, you will know inside when it is time to move forward
Add Joy to Your Life – Bring happiness into your life, gradually. Don’t force it. But start doing things you love. Things that bring you peace and joy
Forgive – If there is someone you need to forgive, do that. We forgive for ourselves, and not for the other person. Release it and move on. Carrying hate, resentment, and bitterness towards someone or some event only weighs you down. That is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. That will only hold you back. Forgiveness also means forgiving yourself
When You Are Ready, Tell Your Story – When you are ready, write it all out. Write how you felt. Write out what happened. Write out what you learned and how you feel today. Tell your story, even if no one ever reads it. The one who benefits most from it will be you.
Things I Know About Healing... When You Want to Run, Stay. When You Want To Hide, Open Up. When You Think You Are Done, Go A Little Further
According to author, Emily Maroutian, “If you want to find your contribution to the world, look at your wounds. When you learn how to heal them, teach others”. And not just when you learn to, but as you are learning to heal your wounds. We don’t have to have it all figured out. Our journeys are healing journeys. We can assist, encourage, and lift up others as we are doing the work. Show up as your imperfect self. By doing so, you show others that they are not alone. We are all working through something and often similar things. We all have something to contribute. We do the work, and we find that as we do, we learn from one another
And that is my goal. To share my story, and in doing so, help others along their path. What I write about is my journey. I am imperfect. I have learned and I have a desire to share what I have learned. I have come to understand that is what drives me forward. That is a main component of my life purpose. In hindsight, I believe that I should have perhaps studied to be a teacher while in university. Eventually I did align my career partially with that, as I spent over twenty years as a Training Officer and Instructor. But you don’t have to be at the front of a classroom to make a difference. And you don’t have to be perfect, articulate, and have all the answers.
I have much to say. I have more to share. My desire is not to tell you what to do, but more appropriately help you discover how to be. For I have found that the “being” is more important than the “doing”. Doing flows from being. Once you discover who you are, what to do becomes much clearer. There were times in my life when I didn't know who I was. If you don't know who you are, how do you know how to be?
So I leave you for now encouraging you to embrace the change happening around you, be the change that you want to see happen in your life, look inward before moving outward, forgive yourself, believe in yourself, lean into discomfort, step into your fears, and believe that the best is yet to come. You have all you need inside of you. You are more powerful than you know. Now go ahead and discover what is already yours. You are exactly where you need to be.
I won't be far. I will see you on the Crooked Path, and when our paths converge may we encourage each other, as we are all just walking each other home.
Take Care....
Check Your CPS (Crooked Path System) - From time to time, I will include an activity that compliments the content of my blog. My intention is to help make what I write more meaningful to you, and help you relate to your own personal journey.
Just as we have become accustomed to checking our GPS to keep us on track, see where we have been, and consider the path forward, I encourage you to check your CPS. It will help you Make That Change
AfterNotes - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_Jx9nqnxOM
He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother - The Hollies
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