Get Your Motor Runnin'. Head Out On The Highway - from the song "Born To Be Wild" - Steppenwolf
If you have been reading my blogs since the beginning, if you jumped in part way, or even if this is the first time you are checking them out... It is a good time for a recap.
I started out saying that Life is a Crooked Path. Life is a journey, and we all have
paths that we follow. Full of twists and turns, detours, wrong turns, hills and valleys, and dead ends. Many, and maybe most, of these are unexpected. Life is not a straight line. Along our paths we get off course, get stuck, go around in circles, and even go backwards. Basically, not getting to where we would like to go, and often just settling for less, where we are. Settling for mediocrity. Feeling frustrated and unfulfilled. Often unaware of all this as we go through the motions. Thinking that this is as good as it gets. We wonder. We wander. We search. We settle.
But there is hope. You don’t have to settle. You don’t have to remain stuck and frustrated. You can get unstuck and move forward. You can get on track. You have everything you need inside to move forward, and a key to that is taking responsibility for the change you want to see in your life. No one is coming to save you. Change is happening around us anyway, so why not be a part of it? And while you are at it, why not take the wheel and make the positive changes in your own life that will move you forward to where you would like to go, what you would like to have, and who you would like to become? Make That Change. It all starts with you.
The first thing that you need is a good dose of Self-Awareness. How do you get to where you would like to go, if you don’t know where you have been? Realize how you have gotten to this point and consider what you need to do to move forward. Own where you have been, where you are, and where you are going. Accept that it is your responsibility, and within your power to make positive changes. Start where you are with no excuses. Remember the Triangle of Change. Desire, Motivation, and Action. All are needed to make changes in our lives.
The Triangle of Change is the basic mindset for making changes. A window of opportunity comes along, and you Act. Remember that without Action, there is no triangle of change. Each step you take towards change, and every change, is a new beginning. And taking this journey, and making positive change in your life, is your choice. Whether you stay put, or whether you move forward, it is your choice. You choose how you will move forward.
As you move forward, you will constantly be stepping outside of your comfort zone. Nothing grows in the comfort zone. To grow you have to constantly be leaning into discomfort. Life is hard for one of two reasons. You are either stuck in your comfort zone, or you are leaving your comfort zone. You need to lean into discomfort, and in doing so your comfort zone expands. Life is difficult. That is one of the great truths. But once you realize life is difficult, it no longer is, because you rise up. You do what is necessary to move forward. But again, it is your choice to rise up. Many people choose not to and remain where they are.
Once outside of your comfort zone, it feels different. You have never been there before. Initial feelings are freedom, and then fear. You need to take responsibility for each. You need to do what is necessary to not return to comfort, and move forward. You need the right mindset. You need a Change Mindset to keep you moving forward. To keep going, and gain momentum on your path. Don’t look back.
Remember what was said about a Change Mindset. The Change Mindset is having the Desire for change, being Motivated to change, and being prepared to Act in a way to initiate
change in our lives. That is the framework within which change takes place. That gives the structure to move forward with a change. But we don’t want to stop with one change, some change, or a change here and there. Change when we feel like it, or when it is convenient. How do we make the Change Mindset a Habit? How do we make a Change Mindset part of our overall way of approaching life? How do we keep it going?
A start would be understanding that as human beings, we are not meant to stay where we are. To be sedentary. We are meant to be active. Physically and mentally. Not just sitting. Housebound. Couchbound. Stagnant. Unstimulated. Emotionally unavailable. Bored. Disengaged.
We are meant to be active and engaged. You can imagine the health risks associated with a sedentary lifestyle. Heart and circulatory problems. High cholesterol. High blood pressure. Obesity. Stress. Anxiety. Depression. When you are physically active, your brain releases serotonin, which is a mood-boosting chemical in the brain. Without physical activity, less serotonin is released, so a person may experience less motivation and fewer positive feelings. We need to be active. It is not quite like a shark... Keep moving or you will die... But you could say, “Keep Moving or Your Dreams Will Die”
Our basic nature is to be active. We are also responsible for the results we get in our lives.
So, recognizing that there is change happening all around us, it really is incumbent on us to keep pace, or we get left behind. It is necessary for us to act, or we will be acted upon. It all comes back to owning and being responsible for your path. And that involves taking the initiative to make things happen on your path.
Don’t sit back and watch things happen all around you. Don’t wait for someone to do something for you. Don’t wait for opportunities to come to you. Life is what you make of it. Take the initiative and make things happen for yourself. It is up to you to work towards those things that you want. To create those opportunities. Don’t wait for luck. Don’t wait for help. Go out and seize what is yours. Life is about evolving. Don’t stay in a situation that is not helping you grow, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Both of my parents grew up during the depression era of the 1930’s. I don’t know a lot about my grandparents because they all passed away when I was a young child. The exception being one of my grandmothers, who died when I was 18. But she was in a nursing / personal care home for most of that time suffering from dementia. Both my grandfathers worked for the railway. I remember going to visit my paternal grandfather at the home where Dad grew up. A very modest bungalow. I can’t imagine it being big enough for my grandfather, grandmother, my dad and his three siblings, but things were different back then.
Dad was the youngest in the family. His two older brothers were laborers. The oldest worked in the railyards and the other worked at a variety of jobs. Both were handymen. Dad had one sister. My Aunt Noreen. She also died when I was young, but I do recall her, and would get to know about her from stories told by family through the years. She didn’t get along with Grandpa (her dad), and she left home when she was young. She was 16 or 18. I am not sure if she left of her own accord, was thrown out, or if it was a mutual parting of ways. I do believe that she had very little to do with Grandpa for the rest of his life. But she made it on her own. What I recall of her is that she was very assertive and self-sufficient. I am not aware of the details of where she went and where she would work, but I do know that she had no problem looking after herself. She would eventually meet and marry a man who moved to Canada from Sweden. I don’t know if this was her first marriage or not. Regardless, she would marry my Uncle Evert, who I believe was just a laborer when he came over to Canada, but she pushed him hard. She must have seen potential in him. He became a successful businessman. I remember him owning a mining company in Val d’Or, Quebec among other things.
Why am I compelled to tell you this? My Aunt Noreen was a difference maker. I don’t know what went on between her and Grandpa, but obviously they saw things differently. She was not afraid to break out on her own. She came from blue collar roots. She was not afraid to work hard. She wanted more, and I believe she played a large role in my uncle’s success as a businessman.
Dad was the youngest in the family. I believe he had a close relationship with his brothers.
Dad would often tell a story of how during the depression, his oldest brother would go down to the railyards each day looking for work. Sometimes he was successful, and sometimes not. Dad said after a long day working, or looking for work, my uncle would come home and toss Dad a nickel. A big deal back then. Dad would tell that story to us in an attempt to get my brothers and I to be generous to each other. Dad would be the only one amongst his siblings that would go on to take any post-secondary education after high school. He would get a business diploma from a local college. In fact, that is where he would meet my mother. Dad went on to work for an insurance company as an Office Manager and Bookkeeper. He was close to my Aunt Noreen. Maybe because he was the baby of the family. And it may have been her that encouraged him to get a business education. To stay away from the railway yards, warehouses, and heavy labor. Either way, they both had similar mindsets when it came to their careers. Different philosophies compared to the environment in which they were brought up.
Dad would eventually be transferred to Toronto from our home in Winnipeg. For many reasons, Dad did not like it there. It just so happened that around that same time, my aunt and uncle purchased a building in St Vital, a suburb of Winnipeg that contained a restaurant, a hardware store, and several apartment units on the second floor. They also purchased the hardware business. Aunt Noreen convinced my dad to come back to Winnipeg to manage the hardware store, as well as administer the other tenants in the building. Knowing Dad was unhappy in Toronto, and he had a business acumen, she thought this would work out, and it would be a family business that would benefit everyone. Dad would agree and the family would move back to Winnipeg. I was a toddler at the time. Two to three years old. That hardware store, Delta Hardware, would become the center of our family. It would be a blessing, and a curse. Either way, Dad became manager and was happy to be back in Winnipeg.
I am explaining all this to give you some more detail about what shaped me as a child, and to make a point. Aunt Noreen wanted something better. I believe she wanted something better for Dad, as well. I am not putting down blue-collar work at all. Not in the least. Maybe it was a function of my aunt’s conflict that she had with Grandpa and coming out of the poverty of the depression years, she was driven for more, and she wanted that for Dad too, and Dad bought into that.
Dad would run the business for over twenty-five years. The community that the store served
had a small-town feel. Within the radius of the area that the store served were corner grocery stores, restaurants, barber shops, florists, drug stores, banks, gas stations, and more. Dad became well known in the community for the personal service he provided, and for his expertise. People would come to Dad with all sorts of problems and ask for advice. Dad was not much of a handyman himself, but he had learned from his brothers, and he acquired other knowledge on the job and from tradespeople that frequented the store, regarding tools, paint, home repairs, key-cutting and even skate sharpening. Dad put in long hours. If the store was open, Dad would usually be there. When the store closed at 6PM each night, Dad would come home for dinner, and usually head downstairs to his office for an evening of work. Bills needed to be paid. Invoices needed to be mailed. Orders needed to be submitted, along with many other administrative duties. Mom would also help him out.
My dad, and my aunt and uncle, had the attitude of a small businessperson, that for anything worthwhile you put in the work. And you get out, what you put in. And what you are putting the work in for is for something worthwhile. To provide value. Not only to provide value to our family, but also to the community. There was a lot of hard work, and as my dad would say, “blood, sweat, and tears”. Dad’s view was that in the end it was worthwhile.
You get out, what you put in. That would be Dad’s view, and that of my aunt and uncle too. My Aunt Noreen would pass away around when I was seven years old, but my Uncle Evert would remain a strong presence in my family. He would come over to our home, and I would hear my dad and him talk business. They would talk about politics. They would talk about the business of the hardware store, and sometimes discussions would get heated. My uncle would stay for dinner and discussions would continue around the dinner table. The topic of discussion would turn to me and my brothers, and in particular about our education. That is where it would be instilled in us the importance of pursuing a university degree, and specifically a business degree.
Money. Get Away. Get A Good Job With More Pay And You're Okay - Money by Pink Floyd. From the album "The Dark Side of the Moon"
They would talk about the importance of furthering our education. That graduating high school was just not good enough. Dad would say that the more education that you got, the more valuable you become. You become more marketable. You stand out, and you increase your chances of getting a good job, pursuing a worthwhile career, and being compensated nicely. As a result, you will be able to have all the nice things you would like and provide for your family.
You can imagine that Dad’s political views were right leaning. In fact, he had this disdain for unions. It was the popular view of many of my parent's friends as well, that unions would hold their employers at ransom by going on strike demanding higher wages, while being unskilled and uneducated. And please, I emphasize that these were HIS views at the time, in the late 1960’s and early 1970’s. I had no opinion, but of course my brothers and I would be influenced in our own ways. As a result, there would be guidance, and even pressure, to get a business degree. This was made more so by the fact that my uncle was subsidizing a portion of our education. So my brother would enter into Commerce from high school. After my misadventure in Engineering, I would follow.
With the desire to get a university education in mind, we were always encouraged to do well in school. To get the required marks to allow for university entrance. We generally delivered and were rewarded when our report cards were presented. Usually with money. So, we were encouraged and rewarded to follow that path. We were encouraged to do better and be better, as that would help us move forward. That would give us an advantage.
I Can See You In The Morning When You Go To School. Don't Forget Your Books You Know You Have To Learn The Golden Rule - School by Supertramp - from the Album "Crime of the Century"
Based on what I have written so far about my university experience, you may wonder what advantage it gave me. I have shared that I was less than enthusiastic about what I was studying. But, I was all in about the idea of going to university. I had been programmed that this is what I needed to do. I had been convinced. And, to tell you the truth, it made sense. The main reason university was not an overwhelmingly great experience for me is that I did not know what I wanted to do. Pursue a career in business? What does that mean?
We were taught to work hard, and we would get rewarded. And we experienced that. Get good marks, we get a reward. Do chores, we get a weekly allowance. Do a little extra, we get some extra. I would go in and help out at the hardware store after school on some days, and on Saturday, and Dad would pay me. Got it. Do the work, get paid. Do over and above, get a bonus. Do something without being asked to? Go to the head of the class. That is showing initiative. Also, Mom and Dad would encourage us to do something for someone, and not expect anything in return. There would be points down the line for that. Let’s call it goodwill.
By getting a degree, you stand out. By specializing in a field where there is a market, a future, and job opportunities, you stand out. By getting good marks, same thing. By doing things for others unconditionally, there is something extra special about that. Either way, you are forging your path in a positive way by taking initiative.
That was my path. But you can show initiative in many different ways according to your
situation, whether it be a career path, getting out of debt, improving a relationship, buying that home, finding purpose in life, getting in shape, losing weight, getting that job in management, starting your own business, being a better parent, becoming more involved in community service, breaking out of that toxic situation, having a better marriage... You name it. What are you prepared to do to make it happen? How are you going to take the initiative to get moving towards where you want to go? How are you going to get moving, make things happen, and get momentum on your path? What will that step be?
Further your education. Take continuing education courses while working. Read that book. Do that research. Seek out the right people. Learn that skill. Make that budget. Go for counseling. Have those hard conversations. Enroll in that exercise class. Pursue that hobby. Investigate. Dream. Take that risk. Volunteer. Be more understanding. Be less judgmental. Become a better communicator. Take responsibility. Own your path. Make that change. Take that step, and everything changes. With every step, you put yourself in a position for new doors to open, moving you along your path, and bringing you closer to your goal. Every step in a positive direction makes you a better person. Better equipped. More marketable. More able.
I think of the benefits of my own education, and I am sure you would find something similar as you step forward, whatever that step might be -
Expanded Career Options – I think of the many ads I would peruse in the Career Section of the Saturday edition of The Winnipeg Free Press back in the day. Most that were of interest to me required a post-secondary education as a minimum qualification. This was required to get them to even read your application further. No degree, your application goes to the
reject pile. Having the required education expands your career options. It increases the chances of you getting fulfilling employment in your chosen field.
Again, it doesn’t have to be a university degree. What do you require to get moving in the direction you would like to go? Community college? Night school? Online courses? Apprentice work? Contacting the right people? Doing the research? Either way, as you do whatever is necessary, your options expand. Doors will open.
Personal Development – My education developed my critical thinking. It helped me with analyzing information, considering other perspectives and making informed decisions. It helped me drop old ideas and ideals, and in that sense, it truly helped me grow. This would be especially so as I would take courses and training during my career.
Specialized Knowledge and Expertise - Five years after graduating my career would finally get some traction as I found a path that resonated with me. I had an opportunity in Training and Development as a Training Officer / Instructor, so I would go back to school and work towards getting further education in Adult Education, and in Quality Assurance Management, which was a big initiative at the time.
You are never too old to go back to school or get the required training. What is it that will benefit you? There are programs that offer specialized knowledge and training in specific disciplines, which will provide you with skills and expertise required to advance in your desired area.
Personal Fulfillment and Satisfaction – Achieving a degree, receiving a diploma, a certificate, and even just a passing grade brings a sense of personal accomplishment and satisfaction. It shows initiative. You have set a goal and achieved it. It demonstrates perseverance and dedication. Taking any step forward will do that.
Networking Opportunities – Courses I took provided an environment where I met and interacted with peers, instructors/professors, and professionals from many different backgrounds. Different companies. Different parts of the country. Different perspectives. This may have been one of the most valuable benefits, especially with courses I took while working. You get varied opinions of how people feel about different topics, and how they would address problems similar to what you might face back in the real world. The great thing is that we could exchange business cards, phone numbers, email addresses, etc. and stay in touch and use each other as resources.
Access to Resources and Support – Flowing from the networking opportunities, again you can use contacts as resources. You can make new friends and can stay in touch socially. You can get information regarding people and resources that can help you on your next steps, and with your journey. As a result of Adult Education courses I was taking, I became a member of the Manitoba Association for Training and Development. Many of those I took courses with were members, and I would stay in touch with them through events. And there were additional educational opportunities.
Contribution (to Society) - This can’t be answered in a few sentences. I will make this clearer as I continue to unfold my story. But my education helped me finally get momentum on a career path that resonated with and mattered to me. It was not so much that I was finding my way. My way was finding me. As I was feeling seen, heard, and understood, I was compelled to help others feel the same way, and being in Training and Development, I was in an ideal position to do that. Things were aligning, and I would take what I was learning and doing within my career, and I would look at what I could do outside of work in terms of contribution and giving back. For the first time, I was feeling momentum, and not just in a straight line. But in an upward spiral of learning, growth, and contribution.
There are also economic benefits, increased job opportunities, and even job security that I won’t get into right now, but I will let you imagine.
You can experience the same benefits by taking that step. It doesn’t have to be working towards a degree, or even furthering your education. By reaching out in a positive way you can expand your options, develop yourself, learn new information and skills, start feeling good about yourself, meet people in similar situations as you, meet people who can guide you, be made aware of resources available to you, and even find your purpose. You will realize that you are not alone. All this by taking the initiative and taking that step to move yourself forward and improve yourself and your situation. That is what creates momentum along your path, and that is what keeps it going.
Only Those Who Risk Going Too Far, Will Find Out How Far They Can Go - T. S. Eliot - Author / Poet
Unless you are willing to try to exceed your limits, you will never get to your limits.
I spent over twenty years as a Training Officer. Much of that in a Customer Service Call Centre operated by my employer. I also served in varied formal and informal leadership roles. Part of my duties involved counselling employees. At the Call Centre, I trained hundreds of employees over the years. Many of them were new employees, who were excited to be employed with us. They spent the first three weeks of their employment with me. I would field all sorts of questions from them, in class and privately, regarding how to advance with our company. After the training, and after they had been working for a while, some would come back to see me. They would pose the same questions to me about how to advance within the Call Centre, and often just how to get out to some other part of the company.
For virtually everyone, I would tell them, sometimes in not so many words, to take the
initiative. I would ask them what they wanted to do. Some wouldn’t know. They were basically saying, “Anything but what I am currently doing”. I would encourage them first of all to display the right attitude. The right mindset. Working hard and continuing to learn on the job, as there was still much to learn for the new employees once they left the classroom. I would encourage them to think about what they would like to do. “Anything but this”, was not the right approach. Sometimes momentum is just bearing down and doing the work. Making the best of your situation, while you are preparing and looking down the road for something else.
Learn about the company. Research and read up on issues. For the first question of most job interviews, we would ask the applicant what our company's Vision Statement was. Almost everyone would get the answer wrong. Although some people were very imaginative. But you would think that the first step in showing interest in working for a company would be finding out not only what they do, but what they stand for, how they do business, and where they are headed. That is showing interest. That is showing initiative.
Think about what you would like to do. What interests you? Seek out contacts in these areas... Supervisors or Management... Then make arrangements to go and see them. Match your abilities and skillset to what is needed to get to where you want to go. What do you need to move you in the desired direction.
You would be surprised how many people would ask me about my position. They asked me how I got it. Almost questioning my qualifications. I would take a breath to prevent me from getting defensive, and then I would chuckle, and explain, and justify my existence.
I would tell employees that they would have to seek out opportunities and sell themselves. Match their qualifications, abilities, and background to the position they are interested in. If they were lacking in some areas, they would have to go do the work to make them qualified. They would have to make themselves marketable. Sound familiar?
Employees would be thankful for the information I would give them and would often agree with what I told them. But many of them would leave discouraged. They weren’t willing to take the initiative to make their dreams a reality.
They may not have known where to find relevant company information, and what is important. They may not have known who to contact. They may be backward about contacting the right people. They may not know how to present themselves properly. It may seem like too much work. What they were really asking me for was a magic wand. A quick fix. Sorry, it doesn’t happen that way.
Won't You Please, Please Help Me? - The Beatles
As I have been saying, many people are waiting for someone to save them, someone to do it for them, or someone to take their hand and give them what they want or take them to where they want to go. It doesn’t have to be a job. So many people will say, give me the information, tell me what I need to know, and make the appointment for me. They may ask, “Why do I have to take that course? I am good with people. Isn’t that enough? I can learn on the job.”. Isn’t there a pill that will help me lose weight? Why do I have to exercise? Somebody fix my relationship. Someone get me out of here. Someone rescue me.
The truth is that the people who make any progress in their careers, relationships, situations,
lives, and paths are the ones who are solutions to problems, and not the problems themselves. They are the ones who take the initiative and do whatever is necessary to move forward.
I have seen and heard so many employees wallowing in self-pity over the years, complaining that they never get ahead. The jobs always go to someone else. Often someone newer to the company. Office politics aside, as that is another issue, the ones who get the jobs and opportunities are the ones who take the initiative.
And the same goes for almost all other issues that we face. It is about going "all in" to improve your situation. Just as when Yoda was training Luke Skywalker in the film, “The Empire Strikes Back”, he says, “Do or do not. There is no try”. Half-hearted efforts won’t do it. There is also no can’t. You can always do something.
Swooping in with your red cape to save people causes its own problems. Mainly for the
super-hero, and it doesn’t help the Lois Lanes of the world in the long run. Holding people accountable for making their own moves forward is affirming. And it is growth for that person. They are stepping outside of their comfort zone. Allowing them to do this shows that you have confidence in them. Maybe after years of being told by others that they are not worthy or that they can’t, you are the first one who says that they can. You believe in them.
When someone sincerely believed in me, I regarded that as a boost. Not only did it give me confidence, but it made me put in the work to make sure I did not let that person down. But don’t do it for them. Do it for yourself. Look at it as an opportunity. A door opening. Then press the accelerator and go.
It is understandable that this approach is easier for some to accept than others. Some people don’t own enough of themselves yet. They may be dependent in many ways, even as an adult. They don’t own their path. They need more support and encouragement. And that may be you. But in the right environment, and with the right encouragement, anyone can become more independent. Allowing them to take advantage of opportunities and forge their path.
You will never feel ready to do many of the hard things. Hard things, by nature, are going to feel scary and uncomfortable because they stretch your potential. They require you to venture into the unknown. So instead of focusing on the distance between where you are and where you want to be, focus on just the very next step. What is one small thing that you can do today that will nudge you forward? It is through feeling the fear, and doing it anyways that confidence is built, and it is the very thing that gives you momentum in your journey to keep moving forward. Remember it is hardly ever the case that you are incompetent. You simply have not given yourself the chance to show yourself just how capable you are.
Get going. Keep going. You can do this.
I will try to keep up with you, as you gain momentum on The Crooked Path.
Check Your CPS (Crooked Path System) - From time to time, I will include an activity that compliments the content of my blog. My intention is to help make what I write more meaningful to you, and help you relate to your own personal journey.
Just as we have become accustomed to checking our GPS to keep us on track, see where we have been, and consider the path forward, I encourage you to check your CPS. It will help you Make That Change
AfterNotes - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egMWlD3fLJ8 Born To Be Wild - Steppenwolf
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