True North Strong and Free - from the National Anthem of Canada - O Canada
Your True North is where you will find your purpose, your values, and your authenticity. True North is the guiding force that helps someone navigate their paths with integrity and purpose. Your internal compass will always point to your True North, and finding your True North is an act of Personal Leadership.
Think of being on an organized hike, expedition, or safari into areas that are new and
uncharted by you. All things being equal, you would have someone leading your group. Someone who knew where you were, where you were going, and how to get there. You would have a leader guiding you. You are, hopefully, in good hands. Now think of being alone in the wilderness. You are lost, maybe in a forest, a jungle, or on the side of some remote mountain. You are lost. You don’t know which way to go. You have no one guiding or leading you. No one you can rely on. What you need in order to survive is personal leadership. You need to rely on yourself. And personal leadership is exactly what you need to follow your path effectively.
There is a distinct difference between Personal Leadership and Personal Management. Management deals with the “How”. How can I do things quickly and efficiently? How can I get this done? It is more operational. Gathering resources and following through. Management is more task centered. Process and system centered. Making sure the work gets done and objectives achieved. Give me the tools, plans and the resources and I will get the job done. But being a good manager doesn’t do much good if you don’t know where you are going or what to do.
Leadership deals with the “What”, the “Where”, and the “Why”. What am I doing? Where am I going? And why am I doing this and going there? Leadership is visionary. Exercising leadership is inspirational. Leadership is change-oriented. Looking not only for a way forward, but the way forward towards a better situation. Not just towards task completion, but towards dream realization. Envisioning and believing in the possibilities.
Management is transactional. Leadership is transformational. Management is climbing the ladder as efficiently as possible, and leadership is making sure the ladder is leaning against the right wall. Someone may be a great personal manager. Working hard. Involved in all sorts of activities. Getting tasks accomplished. Showing dedication. But without personal leadership, they may end up spinning their wheels, heading in unexpected and unwanted directions, experiencing setbacks, and maybe wondering what is happening, what is the point, and what are they doing wrong. We get so dialed in on doing things right, we don’t stop to consider whether we are doing the right things.
You're On The Road But You've Got No Destination - from Beautiful Day by U2
What we need as we travel our paths is a vision of where we want to go. Where are we going to? And then we need to envision ways of getting there. This is where your internal compass comes in. Remember the difference between a compass and a map. A compass will always point to True North. Your internal compass will always point to your True North. Sure, a map is handy to have. It is a useful resource when you are in the wilderness and when used in conjunction with a compass. But on its own, a map's usefulness is limited when you are confused and not certain of where you are. Once you are out of the wilderness and know where you are, then a map can become more useful. But only because you now have some certainty and clarity, and are now able to follow the map and use it as a guide.
We all experience, or have experienced, times on our paths when it felt like we were in the wilderness. Times when we were uncertain. When we were confused. We were struggling, and we did not know what to do. We could not find a way out. Think of some of those times you have experienced. What were those situations? How did it feel?
Time spent in those wilderness areas of our lives can look and feel a lot like any of the following -
Direction is Unclear – You might feel lost, not knowing what path to take, and what your purpose is. Typically this can be one of those crossroads or passages that we face where we must make a decision and we don’t know what to do.
Facing Challenges and Hardships – You could be facing significant difficulties or obstacles that make progress seem impossible. This could be many things. Illness... Financial difficulties... Relationship breakdowns... Job loss...
Isolation – There may be a sense of feeling alone and disconnected from others. Lacking support and companionship. Feeling overwhelmed. Not knowing what to do or where to go. Maybe sinking into a black hole or depression.
Transformation and Growth – Being in the wilderness can also be a time of personal growth and self-discovery. Where you confront inner fears, learn resilience, and become stronger. In this sense, being in the wilderness could be an adventure. It really is a matter of mindset. Time spent in those wilderness places can result in transformation and growth, but you have to have the right mindset. A mindset of perseverance, determination, and positivity. A can-do attitude. The Bible has many stories of individuals who were sent into the wilderness and emerged stronger and more faithful. Periods in the wilderness can be a time of testing, growth and preparation, where you come out stronger, more purposeful, and more resilient.
One of the iconic lines from the movie, Gone With The Wind is when Scarlett O'Hara
declares, "As God is my witness, they are not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this, and when it is all over, I will never be hungry again". This was a testament to her determination to survive and thrive in the face of the devastation of the Civil War, and the overwhelming challenges afterwards. And it serves as a reminder that even in the darkest of times... In our wilderness places... the human spirit can persevere.
I have had many wilderness times in my life. My life is a Crooked Path, after all -
Direction – I have shared how I had difficulties as a child, and in particular as a teenager with direction in my life. Not knowing who I was. Not knowing what I wanted. Feeling unloved. And the resulting problems in getting any direction and traction in my life. It also led to related mistakes and poor choices further along my path. Poor choices that were again related to a continued lack of direction and clarity in my life. As I have been saying. What you resist, persists. You can’t get what you want, until you know what you want. Until you get yourself straight, every step you take can just take you further and further off track, and in the wrong direction. Poor choices can compound in relationships, career, finances, and in almost every area of your life
Facing Challenges and Hardships – One of the worst experiences I had in the wilderness was when my mother passed away from cancer at the age of 59. I was just 23 years old. It affected all of us in the family, and I can quite honestly say it changed my family forever. My brothers, my dad, and I all had to adjust at the time. I had just graduated from university and started a new job, and now the glue that held our family together was gone.
There were relationship issues. Two divorces and all of the associated emotions, financial difficulties, and baggage. Career and job difficulties. Problems getting started and then various problems and dissonance along the way. Finally having many years of feeling fulfilled in what I was doing, but then finishing off my career in the final few years wishing I was somewhere else.
Isolation – Feeling isolated growing up and as a teen. Relationship issues, and not just with my wives. Relationship issues with other family members. Relationship issues with peers and superiors at work. And simply feeling misunderstood. Facing intermittent waves of negativity, criticism, judgment, intolerance, backbiting, gossiping, addiction, and scarcity in some of the most important relationships in my life. Knowing that life was not meant to be lived that way. Wanting better but questioning myself. Feeling alone in battles with no one to turn to.
Transformation and Growth – On the positive side, so many of the wilderness moments I have faced have turned into growth and learning opportunities. Really what choice did I have? Most of these situations are either sink or swim. Stagnate or flourish. Of course you have that choice, and so many people will do nothing. Feel that this is their lot in life. They might as well deal. This is as good as it gets.
But this is exactly the message I have been conveying. You do have choices. You can initiate positive change in your life, move towards your dreams and become the best version of yourself. You can see periods in the wilderness as a time for transformation and growth, or a time of defeat. These are times of passage where you are being prepared. And you can get to new levels of purpose and momentum in your life, but you have to do the work. These are times where you can define and refine your purpose and the vision that you have for your path forward. Once again, in the wilderness areas of your life it is all about the mindset. And it is more about the compass than it is about the map.
Imagine when someone would use a compass -
To Determine Direction – A compass is ideal for finding and maintaining a specific direction.
and in particular, True North.
When Visibility is Low – In periods of fog, heavy rain, and darkness where it is difficult to see, a compass helps to maintain a straight course when landmarks are not available
Where There is Dense Vegetation – In forests or jungles where landmarks are obscured, in a similar fashion, a compass helps you keep your bearings straight and on course.
Urgent Situations – When you need to quickly determine an escape, or are performing a search and rescue, a compass is vital.
Now consider when you would use a map -
Understanding the Terrain – A map provides a visual representation of the terrain, including features like mountains, trails, rivers, and roads.
Route planning – You use a map to plan your route before setting out. Identifying paths, distances, and any obstacles
Finding Your Location – Maps help you determine your exact location by identifying surrounding landmarks.
Navigating With Precision – A map allows you to make informed decisions regarding your route, and helps ensure that you are on the right track
Both a compass and a map have useful purposes, But different functions. A compass is more for determining your direction and maintaining that bearing. While a map is for understanding the area and following a route. A compass is for purpose, focus and planning. A map is for following and doing. A compass is for leadership. A map is for management.
When we are in any of those wilderness areas of our lives, we could use a compass. When we need direction. We are facing challenges that are weighing us down. When we are feeling alone and isolated. That is when we need a compass. We need to access our internal compass. Our purpose, our vision, and our values. But most of us look for a map.
When we need direction our approach often is - I don’t know where to go or what to do. Somebody tell me. Give me directions. Give me instructions. Give me something that I can follow. When we encounter hardship or challenges the approach is – Somebody help me. Somebody fix this for me. Somebody save me. In all of these situations we are saying, “Somebody give me a map”.
Oh Won't You Show Me The Way, Yeah, I Want You To Show Me The Way - Show Me The Way by Peter Frampton
But someone providing you with a map will result in short-term resolution at best. It may get you out of that one situation. That is transactional. But without a clear purpose, or vision for your path or life, the same or similar situation will be just around the corner. You haven’t learned anything. You haven’t changed your mindset. You need something that is transformational, and that is what your internal compass provides. Something that propels you forward towards your True North.
I am not saying a map is not useful. Think of being in any wilderness area as being stuck.
That is really what being in the wilderness is. We are stuck. These are situations on our paths where we don’t know what to do, where to go, how to deal with what confronts us, and feeling alone. We are stuck.
I believe there are two kinds of stuck. The first is where you want to get from Point A to Point B. You don’t know how to get there. You may be in a strange city, You need to determine a path or route, and make it as short as possible. You may be in a strange vehicle with a different dashboard, and you don’t understand all of the controls. In the grand scheme of things this transaction is not a big deal. You just want to get there. You just need to know how to get the vehicle started and moving. Get it done as efficiently as possible, and never to worry about a similar situation again. In this situation, a map is all you need. Instructions are all you need.
The second kind of stuck is a feeling of listlessness. Lethargic. Spiritless. Feeling languished. Feeling lost and confused, You don’t know what you are supposed to be doing or where you are going. You don’t know where you fit in. Whether it be regarding your career, a relationship, or a friendship. Your life is lacking that fullness and vigor. This feeling permeates through most areas of your life, and not necessarily attached to one specific thing. You don’t know what to do or which way to turn. What you need is a compass.
When it comes to our approach to life we are more in need of a compass and less of a map. We don’t know what our paths will look like. What obstacles we will face and what our situation might be. But our internal compass will always help us navigate the landscape of our lives.
Our progress does not just depend on working harder or quicker. Life is a marathon and not a sprint. It does depend on whether we are traveling the right path. And to do that you need your internal compass. You need personal leadership. No management success in any area of our lives can compensate for the lack of effective personal leadership in our lives. But leadership is hard because we are stuck in the mindset of managing. We are stuck in the mindset of “doing”, and not the mindset of “being”. We are focused on being more efficient. Doing things quicker. Accomplishing tasks and goals without even considering what we really want.
The good news is that we don’t have to wait until we are on our deathbeds or wait until there is a life-changing event or tragedy to take responsibility for the direction our lives are heading in. We can take steps to rewire and reprogram ourselves so that we are in line with our True North. We can access our internal compass. We may be way off course. We may feel so stuck that we will never get out of the hole that we are in. But we can get on course and get unstuck. We can find our True North. And we can do this by remembering our freedom to choose our response to whatever is happening around us.
We can use those attributes that are unique to us as humans -
Our Self-Awareness awakens us to the feeling of things not being right in our lives. There is incongruence. We are stuck. We are unfulfilled. We are not happy or content with the way things are.
Our Creativity allows us to imagine the possibilities. Release all of the restrictions and limiting beliefs we may have imposed on ourselves or have had imposed on us by others. Think way outside of the box. Think and dream boldly about not just what we want, but truly what we are here for. What do we value and what truly matters in our lives? Creativity allows us to release any chains that have held us back from things we thought weren’t for us, or that we felt unworthy of even considering. Our potential is unleashed.
Through Discernment, we can choose worthy paths that match our talents, potential and desires, and are consistent with those things that matter most to us. And our Drive allows us to take action. We run the program that we have rewritten. Moving in the direction of our True North.
The one thing that determines how you experience life more than anything else is your belief system. That program that is running and driving your internal operating system. Your script. In particular, your belief system regarding your self-love and self-worth. That is what pulls everything together. The belief that you can do it, and that you deserve it.
Remember that as children we are all born with a blank slate. Up to some point as a child, most of us felt that we were the best. The best at something. We were superheroes, sports stars, and action heroes. Many were fearless and had big dreams of who we would be and what we would have when we grew up. And when someone would tell us we were the best, we believed them. There were virtually no limits on what we believed we could do. I know at various times as I approached ten years old, I was anything from Batman to GI Joe to a star professional football receiver. We were easily programmable. Programmed by our experiences and those people around us. In particular, programmed by our parents, our teachers, our coaches...
But somewhere along the line many of us were told something else, and we started to believe that. Somehow, we let go of all those things we were going to do and be when we became an adult. We let go of the belief that we would save or conquer the world as a superhero, and we started to believe that we were not as worthy and lovable as we thought or were made to believe. And that is when we started to adjust our self-love and self-worth. We were handed these scripts. This is who you are. This is how you should be. This is what you should do. This is all that you are capable of. This is your life.
When Did It End? All The Enjoyment. I'm Sad Again... from What Was I Made For? - Billie Eilish
But these are not our scripts. These scripts were handed to us by someone else. We carry these scripts with us into our adult lives. Carrying limiting beliefs. Working at a job that we can’t stand, but it pays the bills. Getting married. Having the child, the house in the suburbs and the mortgage. No wonder so many are lost. But we can rewrite our scripts. We can rewrite our story into something compelling, fulfilling, inspiring, and worthwhile.
When you do that, you will be surprised at how fast your life can change. When you start believing in yourself. When you start loving yourself. When you realize that you are worthy of everything. That is when everything will fall into place.
So rescripting and reprogramming ourselves is the start of finding our True North. It is a
matter of changing our mindset. Releasing beliefs and ideas that are no longer serving us, and perhaps they never did. And replace them with new mindsets and approaches that point us towards True North.
As we go through this process, if we are truly being honest with ourselves, we will discover mindsets that are outdated and not serving us well. They are holding us back or taking us in unwanted directions. Resulting in less than desirable outcomes. They are inconsistent with what is truly important to us. Remember that our thoughts, feelings, and actions flow from our mindset. Is your mindset preventing you from finding your True North? If so, you can change your mindset so that it is in line with what matters most to you and what will move you further along the path that truly brings meaning to your life.
Too often we get caught up in worthless battles. We let our ego take over. We fight for something as a matter of principle. We sweat the small stuff. We feel the need to be right. We need to ask ourselves if this approach is taking us to where we want to go. What is the cost? The cost in terms of our time, in terms of our relationships, in terms of our character, and in terms of the path we are traveling, which ultimately is tied to our purpose. We are what we repeatedly do, and if this is our approach it will affect how we will be seen and perceived by those we encounter in our lives. And is that what we want? How does an approach like this affect the most important relationships in your life? With your spouse, children, friends, and work associates? How does this limit you in terms of your path?
But because of your unique attributes, you can make changes. You can take responsibility and realize that your mindset is not consistent with values that you have identified as being most important to you. You can reprogram yourself and start living and acting consistent with what is most important to you. In doing so you are forging a path that is pointing towards your True North.
When you are traveling towards True North it means that you are living your life with your values and directions clear. It means that your mindset is aligned with those values that you hold as most important. Together, your mindset and values comprise your inner compass.
Each day you need to pull out that compass and keep it present. That way as you need to make key decisions and the typical challenges of your path come, you can make decisions based on your values and what matters most. You don’t have to react. You take initiative. You make value-driven decisions based on your inner compass because it always points to your True North...
And this will help you stay on course, on The Crooked Path.
Learning Opportunity Along the Crooked Path -
Try this exercise -
AfterNotes - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=co6WMzDOh1o - Beautiful Day - U2
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