"I'm Free. And Freedom tastes of Reality" - I'm Free - from the Rock Opera, Tommy - The Who
While in your Comfort Zone, you are in an unawakened state, at least to a degree. In this state, your power is very much externalized. You are unaware of your internal power... the untapped power within... and are reliant in a disproportionate way on external systems and structures to guide you and provide you with security. Remember we said the things within your comfort zone are like gravity. They mean to hold you in place. They have no intention of moving you past where you are now and towards where you could be. It is our dissatisfaction and dissonance with these structures that may cause us to go inward and find the power within to break free and move forward, out of our comfort zone.
One of the first things you will experience when you make the decision to step outside your comfort zone is freedom. You are free from other’s expectations and are breaking through any limitations that have been placed on you. It is about physical, emotional, and mental freedom. And freedom does taste of reality. The reality is that you are accountable for yourself when you are free. It sets the tone of what is to come. You are independent, and true freedom will come from being true to yourself.
But remember that with freedom comes responsibility. You are now responsible for your
actions. Whatever you do, or don’t do, you are responsible for. As you wake up to your freedom, and your power within, you need to act. You need to act intentionally and with purpose. Acting otherwise would be irresponsible. Not acting at all would be incomprehensible. You would just be leaving yourself subject to the whims of others and the environment around you. Now is the time to take control. It will be your challenge to understand your freedom and develop the discernment to use it well.
With responsibility comes fear, and things associated with fear, such as uncertainty, confusion, vulnerability, self-doubt, and stress. Once outside of our comfort zone, it is a necessity to manage our freedom and face our fears.
"Letting Go Gives Us Freedom, and Freedom Is The Only Condition for Happiness. If In Our Hearts We Cling to Anything... Anger... Anxiety... Possessions... We Cannot Be Free" - Thich Nhat Hanh, Buddhist Monk
What do you need to let go of? Real freedom is letting go of things not wanted. The things that lead us to unwanted ends. Things that hold us back. These are things that are typically found in our comfort zone. Not just physical things, but we may have to let go of old mindsets, relationships, and procedures. Moving forward will require a new you. A changed you. And there is risk in that.
To paraphrase author Leo Buscaglia, the person who risks nothing... does nothing, has nothing, and becomes nothing. They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow or love.... This person is stuck in their comfort zone and has given away their freedom. Only the person who risks is truly free. You need to experience the risk of letting go
Think again of how freedom feels. Think of how it felt back in the day as a child to be
finished with the school year and be on summer vacation. Think of how it felt to be finished exams. To graduate High School... College... University. How did it feel to pay off that loan? To have that problem solved? I remember how I felt. Happiness... Relief... Liberation... Release... Like a burden had been lifted. Excitement. You can now look forward to other things and get on with other things... To what is next.
Freedom can be associated with a range of emotions... Positive and Negative. It just so happens that fear and excitement are on the same spectrum of emotions. They share the same physiological reaction. The adrenaline that rushes through the body when one is excited is the same as when someone is scared. The difference is not how the body reacts. It is how the mind interprets the experience.
There is fear that is instinctive, and then there is fear that is learned. From the time we were born, we were born with instincts meant to respond to fear when we felt unsafe or sensed danger. Some examples of instinctive fear are those which are triggered by predators, pain, heights and loud noises. Where there is a real and imminent threat. When we face these things, our brain is programmed to respond. Usually fight or flight. And this is necessary for survival
Learned fears differ greatly from person to person. What scares one person will often have no effect on another. Fear can be learned through direct experience. For example, someone may have been bitten by a dog as a child, and now has a fear of dogs. Even the friendliest ones. Fear can also be learned through social means. Verbal warnings from parents or people of influence in our lives. Fears can be acquired simply by observing others, and observing what is going on around you.
We sense the stress of others. People are emotionally contagious. Imagine a child being
brought up in a home with a parent, or parents that are unhappy. The parent may be frustrated or angry, and they don’t handle their emotions well. The internal storm of the parent becomes the home’s storm. This creates a climate of fear in the children. As much as the parents love and try to protect their children, the mess is made. The fear is internalized and grows and can have a lasting effect on how we feel about ourselves, and the world around us. The atmosphere a child is brought up in contributes to their perspective on how they see things. And it is your perspective, or mindset, that determines whether you feel scared or excited when you are faced with something new. Your perspective is your choice. It is important to choose to feel excited and step out into the unknown.
That is easier said than done. It is easier for some, more than others. The way we each look at things is different. Our perspectives, mindsets, or paradigms are developed over time, and are affected by so many things. Many of these things I have mentioned previously. Your mindset comes either directly or indirectly from things such as your upbringing, past experiences, learning environments, beliefs, culture, and social norms
If Children Live With Fear, They Will Learn to Be Apprehensive
....This according to author, Dorothy Law Nolte. Living with fear tears down a child’s self-confidence and sense of security. This can be the fear of physical or emotional abuse, or even fear of the school bully and even imaginary monsters in the basement. Trauma and experiences can carry into adulthood, and manifest in different ways. Fear can fundamentally damage our way of relating to people and dealing with new situations. Remember that as adults, we are responsible for our own lives. Despite what may have happened to us, it is up to each of us to make changes in our lives to move ourselves forward. And that includes the need to change the way we look at fear.
Nolte also says that if children live with encouragement, they learn confidence. One definition of encourage is “to inspire with courage, spirit, and hope”. To literally, give courage. Yes, we should offer our children encouragement. But as adults, we need to encourage ourselves. Yes, there may be some people who cheer us on, but we cannot rely on that. I love those people who make others feel seen, heard, appreciated, supported, and understood. They give you freedom to be yourself. But as adults, we need to be able to face fear on our own, and that means being brave.
It takes courage to do something that you have never done before. It takes courage to do something that no one else is doing. Taking accountability for your own life makes you the architect of your future self. And that is empowering. In a world where so many people settle, it is remarkable to follow your passion and create a life of freedom. We have to face our fears and be willing to make mistakes. There is no way around it. That is the work that needs to be done.
"I Ain't Settlin' For Just Getting By. I've Had Enough So-So For the Rest of My Life. Tired of Shooting Too Low, So Raise the Bar High. Just Enough Ain't Enough This Time..." - Settlin' by Sugarland
I look back on my life to the earliest times and recall how I relied on my comfort zone, especially as a child. I recall how I was risk averse. Partially through nature, but also because of my upbringing, my experiences, and the people around me. This would hold me back, as I entered my teenage years, and set me back as I prepared to make decisions about my future. I recall how I finally would step outside my comfort zone. What it took. I would experience the ebb and flow of freedom and fear, sometimes sending me back into comfort or seeking new comfort. Making progress as I stepped up, took responsibility, and faced my fears. Then falling back as I avoided fear and risk, made poor choices, and as I settled. Remember that life is not a straight line. It took continual and intentional effort, and frequent failure, to move forward. And that was my task. That is everyone’s task.
Why were things this way as I grew up? Part of it might be genetic. I don’t come from a
family of extroverts. Having said that my Dad and Mom ran a family business and were well connected and respected in the community. They had many friends. They had no problems talking to people. Mom was more outgoing, more active, and more adventurous. So perhaps I took after my Dad. Both of my brothers played hockey. I never learned to skate, or skate very well. I was the one kid skating around the rink pushing a chair to hold me up, and skating on my ankles. When taking swimming lessons, I didn’t like going in the deep end of the pool, and it took years to get me to jump off the diving board. As for the high diving board, there was no chance you would get me up there. I wasn’t active in team sports, even when many of my friends were taking part. Perhaps I was being protected. But why? Perhaps I was not being encouraged. Again, why? Either way, these and other conditions affected my development in terms of my confidence, social skills, and abilities. I was good in the classroom, but even that started to level off as I was in high school. There were storms in our home, and these storms would become part of my chaos.
"There's A World Where I Can Go And Tell My Secrets To. In My Room.... In This World I Lock Out All My Worries And My Fears. In My Room...." In My Room - The Beach Boys
Comfort became a thing for me. I stayed in my comfort zone because it was safe. I felt secure there. I felt no one could hurt me. But the thing is, nothing was growing there. I was unsure of my direction in life, and my social skills were lacking. When I did step out of my comfort zone, I would look for something or someone to cling to. And that is difficult when you don’t know what you want, or don’t know who you are. That causes problems and you can be left clinging to anything, or to anyone. That can then lead you down wrong paths, and cause mistakes, poor relationships, and hurt feelings. Which can send you right back to seeking comfort. I was lucky to have met up with a group of great friends, and they kept me grounded and connected as I moved into my late teens. But they were part of my comfort zone. I got security through being a part of their group, and through being with them, instead of stepping out as an individual and forging a path of my own. But it is only when I experienced things that knocked me out of my comfort zone, whether intentional or those wake-up calls that are unexpected... and I acted on those things.... That is the only time when growth took place in my life, and positive change happened.
I think back to my wake-up call in fourth year university when I realized how I was being
perceived by my peers. I was not great in group situations. I didn’t know how to formulate a worthwhile opinion, especially with something I was not interested in. I didn’t know what I wanted. I could have stayed right there. I had a great part-time job working for the Canadian Postal Service. I could just scrape through university, and then have gotten a full-time position and delivered mail for the rest of my life, and I would have a comfortable salary. But I did not want that. I did not go to university just to handle mail. There was nothing wrong with that option if that is what someone wants, but I wanted more even if I did not know what that was. So that awakened me and compelled me to do something about it.
At that point, I felt freedom, if even temporarily. I broke out of the funk I was in. I took responsibility. I strived to be more involved, more assertive, and take a leadership role. As I stated, that was way outside my comfort zone at the time. The comfort zone of an otherwise introverted and shy person, who lacked self-confidence and direction. How I did it is still part of my story I have to tell, but people must have noticed there was something going on with Jim at the time. More of a kick in my step, and more involved. And it resulted in me getting a job with a major computer manufacturer, Burroughs Corporation, as an Account Representative, once I graduated. Imagine that. Me... Selling computers. I took responsibility. Faced my fears (of being involved, speaking up, and being confident). And I did what was necessary to help me stand out and compete for the position, and then be successful in achieving it.
During those several months I was running on adrenaline. Outside my comfort zone, but I kept going. I knew if I slowed down, the tendency would be to slide back into comfort. I didn’t slow down until I finished exams, graduated, and then had a few weeks before I started my new position. At that point, I could look back and see how far I had come in a period of about six months.
Freedom Is An Inside Job
Other people’s opinions are not going to get you the freedom that you desire. As human beings we have the ultimate freedom, and that is the freedom to choose. To respond positively to what is happening around us, and to change. Only when we see both our shadow and our light can we gain the freedom to consciously choose who we want to be. Own your shadow, and then shine your light.
This accomplishment didn’t change my past. It didn’t change who I was. I knew what my tendencies were. Those things stay with you, like your shadow. But it also showed me what I was capable of. It is true that life is difficult for one of two reasons. You are either stuck in your comfort zone, or you are leaving your comfort zone. It really is a matter of sinking or swimming, and perhaps in between simply treading water.
Once you have experienced the freedom of being outside your comfort zone, it is not long
before you experience a dose of reality. It will not be long before you feel exposed. Fear is lurking. Closer than you would like, and maybe even staring you in the face. What do you do when you are exposed? You cover up. Protect yourself. Strengthen yourself. All in preparation to move forward. Or you retreat. Run and hide. Seek shelter. Head back to your comfort zone. But to move forward you cannot hide from your fears. You need the courage to face your fears. You need to be brave. Will you see your shadow? Or will you see your light?
When faced with fear, it can paralyze us. We lose connection with our abilities, what to do, and who we are. We lose touch with our imaginations and our ability to act freely. Actor Tom Hanks said that “Fear will get the worst of the best of us”. I believe that means that fear will deviate us from our strengths. Get us focusing on the wrong things. Believing in the limitations and not the possibilities. Divide us. Make us less of who we are. We will never live entirely without fear once we are outside of our comfort zone. So rather than eliminating our fears, it is best that we learn to navigate them, and even use them to our advantage.
One of the most helpful ways of dealing with fear is working on our mindset towards it. We typically look at fear as being bad and to be avoided. But what if we didn’t regard fear as bad, and simply regarded it as a warning sign. A red flag. Like the worsening road conditions we may experience while driving in bad weather. Fear provides us with a sign that causes us to slow down, perhaps pull to the side of the road, and decide how to proceed. It is what we do when faced with fear that matters. We can use our fears to help us find solutions and move forward, or we can let them overwhelm us and cause us to retreat.
Let’s face it. Some fears are warnings meant to warn us of real and present danger, and we
must act to protect ourselves right away. I have had experiences of being out on a golf course as clouds rolled in. Not only was there the threat of imminent rain, but lightning also started to flash not far in the distance. It would be folly to sit in the middle of the fairway contemplating how to face my fear of lightning. The urgent need was to seek cover immediately. But for the most part, fear we experience each day is just worry. Anxiety over things that are in front of us. The unknown. And how these things will affect us, our families, our relationships, and our future. We allow anxiety to hold us back. And the longer we dwell and hold on to our fears, the more they become entrenched until they become obstructive, contrary, and destructive in moving us forward.
It is necessary to change the way we view the fears we come up against. For example, not to view fear as an obstruction, or something that blocks us. But to look at fear as an opportunity. Fear can help us identify and isolate patterns of thinking and doing that are stopping us. Patterns that no longer serve us. We let our fears drive us. In particular, our fears tell us what to avoid. What to back down from. What to run away from. Maybe fear is not the main problem. The problem is with the focus of our fears. We fear the wrong things. We need to really fear that fear is keeping us from where we want to go. Stopping us from our growth, development, and future opportunities.
"We Have Nothing to Fear But Fear Itself" - Franklin D Roosevelt, 32nd President of the United States
In other words, we can accomplish great things if we look at problems directly, instead of being held back by doubt and fear. We notice fear’s warning but ignore what it can teach us. Fear can teach us a lot about ourselves, and then we can use fear to give us direction as we move forward. But we have to stop viewing fear and the related anxiety as negative. Use it as our ally. That makes all the difference in the world.
Author, Bernard Beckett stated that “Human Spirit is the ability to face the uncertainty of the future with curiosity and optimism. It is the belief that problems can be solved and that differences can be resolved. It is a type of confidence. And it is fragile. It can be blackened by fear and superstition”
"Say What You Wanna Say, and Let the Words Fall Out. Honestly, I Wanna See You Be Brave - Brave by Sara Bareilles
If you want to change your life, begin by changing your words. Start speaking the words of your dreams and of who you want to become, and what you want to accomplish. Not the words of fear and failure. When you begin to stir up your gifts and push past fear, push past doubt, and start believing everything that you need is on the inside, it will lead you to many opportunities. Your thinking can be the biggest obstacle that keeps you from moving forward. Victory starts in your mind. You cannot think weak and be powerful. You can’t think limited and be strong. You can’t think fear and have courage. You can’t think failure, and be successful
What would happen if you focused less on your fears, and more on the excitement of
moving forward on your path? Slowdown. Many of our fears are caused because we are living in the future. Learn to live in the present. That is where you will find peace. That is where things will start to make sense. Fear is a liar. It tells you that you can’t, when you can. Face it, conquer it, and use it as a steppingstone to success. Courage isn’t the absence of fear, but the triumph over it
There will be defining moments in your life. What you do with them will determine whether you step forward into your greatness or shrink back in fear. Being outside of your comfort zone is where you will find these moments. The fears we don’t face become our limits.
One more thing about freedom. We have the freedom and the power to change the stories that we tell ourselves. In doing so, we allow ourselves to change how we show up in the world. Sometimes the universe will light a path that you are hesitant to go down because you are doubting your potential and your abilities. Be brave. Walk with courage. Walk with faith. In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, “Surely, in the light of history, it is more intelligent to hope rather than to fear, to try rather than not to try. For one thing we know beyond all doubt. Nothing has ever been achieved by the person who says, “It can’t be done”.
I will see you out there, freely and fearlessly, on The Crooked Path
Check Your CPS (Crooked Path System) - From time to time, I will include an activity that compliments the content of my blog. My intention is to help make what I write more meaningful to you, and help you relate to your own personal journey.
Just as we have become accustomed to checking our GPS to keep us on track, see where we have been, and consider the path forward, I encourage you to check your CPS. It will help you Make That Change
AfterNotes -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l71pbhqnvNM - In My Room - The Beach Boys
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NU8HC1YUBA - If You Love Somebody Set Them Free - Sting
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